Resolved to being born again...

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I was thinking about the fact that allowing God to renew me - mind, body, heart & soul - requires a certain amount of commitment & resolve. In the abstract, His renewal and transformation sound like a great plan...but when it comes to walking that out, and making space for His work, I sometimes find myself truly challenged.

What I'm learning is that if I want to surrender results to Him, I also have to surrender the space in which the prep work happens. Sometimes this is space in my day, space in the construction of my life and, almost always, space inside my will & heart.

So, looking back at Romans 12:2, I see a tip: the word "pattern" jumps out at me. I think about the patterns in my thinking and in my behavior, the patterns in my emotional responses and reactions. This verse tells me that, in order to be transformed, I need to stop conforming to these patterns; I need to break out of the mold of my own life. I need to submit my actions to His will, and He does the transformation. That submission (oh, the "s-word!) is the key. And it's in the small, finite, one-at-a-time decisions that I submit. It's not a theory; it's a practice. And yes, I definitely need practice in order to get better at it.

Thankfully, the promised outcome is worth the resolve. One little day at a time!

Follow the Leader

For a variety of reasons, I've been thinking more and more lately about letting God take the lead in new ways in my life. I've been learning and thinking and praying and studying about letting Him lead, and doing life His way. I've been learning about following Jesus. All told, I have a lot to learn, but I've come a few paces in the last few weeks, and I'm grateful. These meditations of my heart led to my inspiration for this writing. It's been awhile since I've been on this blog, and I think that's okay. I suppose it'll be an occasional thing for now. God's leading. I'm just along for the ride.

So, speaking of segues...

I've been thinking of the game "Follow the Leader" lately. Remember that one? Recess, circa 3rd grade? Tons of fun? Yeah, that's the one.

I've got this strange mental picture gelling in my mind... it's a line of children marching around a school yard. One of the kids is wearing a paper crown, and carrying a scepter made from a straw and some yarn. No idea why, but the yarn is clear in my mind's eye.

Anyway, this little boy, he's the leader and the kids trailing behind him, in various states of joviality are following along. Even the song - maybe from a Disney movie? - is playing softly in the background... "We're following the leader, the leader, the leader...We're following the leader, wherever he may go!"

So, I realize this is a delightful story, but what's the point, right?

Well, here's where I'm at with all this. God is encouraging me and teaching me that my life can look a lot more like that playground game than it has been. And I'll tell you what, I'm starting to really like the idea.

First, let's talk about being attentive. Think of kids on the playground, think of them playing this game... what are they focused on? No child in the scene in my head is trying to peer around the other kids to see where the leader is going. The little ones don't stand in line, worrying that the leader isn't taking a good path. They're not scoping out the eventual destination or landing point. They're busy trying to make sure they're doing a good job of following. Where God is going, and the path He's going to take to get there is none of my business, so to speak. He's very gentle with me, and so compassionate toward my human heart, and He gives me all kinds of mile-markers as we go, but the things I tend to get so wrapped up in: "where are You taking me, Lord?" And "Which path are you taking to get there?" really need be none of my concern. I'm learning to really internalize this idea of those kids on the playground. They're just having fun following along. And their attention is on the following.

Some more, um, advanced versions of follow the leader include mimicking the exact mannerisms of the kid at the front of the line. If he kicks to the left in front of the fence, all the kids in line are supposed to the same. If he jumps up and down, and does a little spin at the side of the pavement, we're all supposed to carry on in kind. So, if I'm following my leader, if I'm watching Jesus in the sights of my life, my attention needs to be not only on taking the path He takes, but on walking it the way He walks it. Following a leader is not only about going His way, but doing things the way He does them. Oh friends, there are so many levels to this truth, and God is painting them all over my heart and life right now!

There's one more thing...

Kids involved in the game, how do they seem to you as you imagine them? Sullen? Fearful? Anxious? No, probably not. They're having fun. In fact, the little image God's put on my heart has kids not only having fun, but thrilled to be engaged in the adventure, and (dare I say it?) the challenging excitement of doing things someone else's way! This part of the big picture lesson here is no less important than the first.

He came to give you & I freedom. He died so that you & I could live in freedom. Freedom. The idea of singing and jaunting around the playground of life, worrying only about imitating the next step and not about the when, where, how or which way of life seems pretty free to me. In fact, it seems gloriously released. Released from all the stuff of life, all the heaviness of trying to come up with some plan. He knows the plans He has for us. And it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. I'm not sure many of us could honestly say we don't see that truth play out in our lives again and again - as long as we're looking. And the challenge I feel in my heart is not only to receive the correction and keep my eyes on my own feet, on following the next steps, but also to embrace the adventure of it! To live with excitement and anticipation in the freedom of His good grace and splendid plans for me!

The God who created all isn't wandering aimlessly at a whim about the universe of our lives. He is carefully and masterfully helping orchestrate the most amazing reality you or I could possibly imagine - all because He loves us and delights in us. I see it so clearly as I type this out. His hope is that I, too, would delight in Him...that I would let go of all the earthy garbage I let get in the way of my game, and that I would run free and elated in His playground! He is at the head of the line, and He is going somewhere wonderful! My job is only to come up behind Him and enjoy the game!

Who

There are a lot of important "who" questions in my pursuit of a life loving Jesus, but there's one that really has been speaking to me over the last 24 hours or so: who am I?

I don't mean this in a vague, teen-angst ridden way. I mean it as a question of my identity, my being. There are, of course, a plethora of ideas and teachings and wonderful truths out there about who I am in Christ, and while I value very, very much the impact of those truths in my own life, that's not even my focus today.

My focus is on the things that make me different from others, the features of my personality and my being that God put in place just for me, and the ways in which He designed me and created me. I'm talking about the things that make me me.

In a devotional shared with me last night, one of the ideas raised was the idea of standing strong in who I am and then trusting it's okay, and letting the responses (and perhaps reactions) of other people be something that is only for them to deal with, not me.

Now, there is, of course, a whole modern pop-culture attitude of, "I am who I am and if you don't like it, that's too darn bad and your problem." I'm not talking about that either. I am talking about living into, with confidence, the essence of who God created me to be - with grace, with peace and with quiet, kind strength. Just saying, without any unkindness, I am this. And letting that just sit there.

I am probably not alone in knowing that sometimes I slightly modify or curtail my personality because of the situation or setting in which I find myself. Different people bring out different sides of me, and dependent upon the roles in a larger group, I sometimes find myself feeling more one way or another. But sometimes, I also decide just to not say or do or be the thing or way I might be without a filter...simply because I'm considering how someone else might respond or reaction. For reasons I cannot quite explain, the judgment of others seems a terrifying prospect at times.

But my thought is this: God made me who I am. And perhaps the best way to appreciate and love Him is to appreciate and love His creation - exactly the way it is...or, rather, exactly the way I am.

There is freedom in embracing my true self. And I'm certain this is because, at the core, what I'm doing is embracing God's design for me.

So, my focus on "who" today, is on who I am. And in allowing God's true plans for me to unfold by letting His design be brightly shone... without fear. Or, at the very least, in spite of it.

What...

Here's today's topic: What matters?

I was just venting tonight about some frustrations I'm feeling in a certain area of my life. I feel worn down and tired with the situation, and I feel helpless to effect real change in it overall. I feel angry at others involved who (in my view) are not helping to ameliorate the situation and lastly I feel unheard. Those who could make some significant impact on the course of events aren't behaving in the way that I think would be best.

Now, please have some grace with me and let's leave behind all the arrogance and self-focus in the paragraph above.

As I talked this out tonight, I was listening to myself and had to come to one conclusion. To make a difference, to be the light of the world, to live a breathing testimony, I need to be in a different head space. I need to focus on what really matters.

This situation is frustrating. Yes. Okay. And?

The situation is not within my immediate control. Okay. And?

This situation may last for awhile. Ah, shucks...bummer. But okay. And? What else?

Well, the what else is that be those facts as they may, they still are what they are for now. And while I think it's okay and healthy to vent to my confidants about such things, if I stay focused there, I miss my opportunities for impact...and am likely to also exponentially increase the likelihood that I will cause some harm or damage to my testimony, rather than glorify God in my being.

So, now what? Well, the what is that I focus on what matters. I focus on what is. And I focus on what is demonstrated to those in my path. I am not the only one frustrated in this matter; this I know for sure. I am not the only one with legitimate concerns; it's actually quite the contrary. So, rather than focus on my own agenda, my own frustration & my own feelings of injustice and aggravation, what if I chose on focusing on the what that matters: what I can do and what story my actions tell.

I could focus on the frustration of those I am interacting with. I could focus on how I could help them, even in small ways. I could focus on grace. I could focus on remembering that we live before a great cloud of witnesses - and that's not only in the heavenly realm. And I can focus on bringing glory to His name.

I've said it many times, and again in recent writings here, but I will say it again: I want others to look to me and see God. I want them to realize there's something different. I want them to sense in a place past their reason that His Spirit makes my day different than it could be otherwise. I want them to feel His love, to feel His care and His grace. And those things can come through me, if I let Him work... and that means focusing on what matters. Focusing on what He calls me to - every day. I'm not called to love only on days when I feel up to it. I'm called to be a living sacrifice and follow in His footsteps. Without these daily sacrifices, it's hard to even begin to be living as Jesus did. So, I will surrender my right to be focused on ME for today. And instead, I will focus on His plan, His will, His "what."

Where

An easy question that I think I have had a lot of confusion about in the past is where to start. And I mean in the pursuit of a life following Christ. Where do I begin?

I lose my way all the time, and there are (thankfully!) a hundred different places to start. Most simply, I start where I am. But then where do I go?

After reading my writing about why I get up in the morning, a friend asked, "How do I do it if I don't feel like I have the strength to love? How do I get to where you are?" Her question prompted the answer that has become today's post about where:

"I say this with love: you're starting with the wrong premise. You don't start by trying to love others. You start by working on receiving His love. And, believe me, if you're anything like me, it can a lot more work than loving others. Your primary task is to be in relationship with Him. That should be your primary goal: to know Him more, to learn Him better.

Pray. Read the Bible. Seek solid teaching. Search for Him. You will find Him.

He does all the rest.

Seriously.

You don’t need strength. The Bible teaches us that His strength is made perfect in our weakness He'll take you just the way you are.

And do amazing things with your life.

You just have to let Him have it.

And then receive what He gives in return.

It's harder than it sounds. It's not all pretty flowery loveliness. It's work sometimes. I know I am nearly certain sometimes that I don't deserve His love or that I have to earn it somehow.

That's a lie. I don't.

You don't.

Sometimes, I'm convinced, He allows our hearts to break so that we have a crack we can allow Him into.

Not saying that His purpose is about allowing you to hurt...but I am saying it's a worthwhile use for the breakage."

And that’s where you start. With the broken places, and letting Him have them – wholesale. And the rest is His work flowing outward. He does it. I just get to be along for the ride.

The "Why"

After having written a few posts about “how,” I’ve been led down an interesting path: question words. Today we talk about the “why.”

I had a friend ask me, “Why do you wake up in the morning? Why do people get up in the morning?”

In the midst of answering here, I managed to get to a clear answer for myself. I realized that, not unlike the how questions, the why questions are incredibly important. I need to know why so I can share it; it’s a part of my witness and testimony. Here is what I shared:

“I know it sounds cheesy, but I really do like my life. And even on the days when I don't feel like I like my life, I trust God. Truly. I BELIEVE with every ounce in me that He has good plans for me, and that He is fulfilling them in me day by day and through me. My purpose is to point to Him in whatever ways I can and let others see Him and go, "Wow, that's good. He is good."

And that is not only incredibly gratifying, but it's incredibly worthwhile.

Sometimes that looks like me loving the heck outta my boyfriend - by just doting on him, or sometimes by calling him out on things... both can be loving actions. Sometimes it means showing up for a friend. Sometimes it means kicking butt at my job and letting people know that I believe God is the one who's given me my abilities.

My purpose is to love.

Love you. Love my honey. Love my parents, my family... love those little nieces, and love my employees and co-workers and staff. And strangers in the grocery store and waiters and everyone.

I can't do it all at once, but I can do it because He loves me and when I focus my attention on letting HIS love be the source for everything, there is abundance and overflow and I can't help but love people a little better and a little more than I could on my own.

And that brings glory and pleasure to God, and that's enough.

But for my human side, it also brings pleasure to me.

Pleasure in knowing I can help a niece when someone else might not know what to say, or that I can share encouragement with a frustrated co-worker. Or that I can support my man in his pursuit of a dream.

It's not about me. But it feels good to me.

And the more I do it, and the more I decide to do it - even when I don't feel like it - the more growing closer to God pays off. And it's out of that wealth of joy that He alone brings that I can get up every day and say, "Yes, this day is good."

Even on days when I might have to say it through tears. As preachy as I hope I don't sound, it is true. When I really made that decision to surrender my heart to Christ, 100%, with no holds barred... everything changed. I changed. Life changed. My heart changed. And it all changes more and more every day. He changes me. He renews minds and restores hearts. He puts together broken things and binds up hurting wounds. That's what Jesus came for. That was the entire WHY. To fix our brokenness.

And when I let Him, and the more I let Him, the more I truly do feel like I could practically jump out of bed every day. Not that I do. And sometimes I don't want to get out of bed at all. But a lot less than I used to. Almost never. I have to start by saying thank You. And acknowledging Him for who He is.

He is the Restorer, Redeemer, Healer and FRIEND.

And He makes life worth living. It's a pretty nifty trick.

So, I guess I'll finish with, "I get out of bed because He loved me enough to put me on earth so that I could." Everything else flows out of that.”

My How To

I wrote Friday about the importance of being able to understand and articulate our own methods of living by faith, what it means and the practical aspects of living it out day-by-day.

I started my rambling post discussing the current case-in-point for me: learning to surrender the idol of my own road map and yielding full guidance to God.

So, how do I?

Well, for me, every time I feel frustration rising with my own foiled plans, or even when I just start thinking about them and making plans in my own mind, I make sure to ask for help! More than anything else, I ask for help! Sometimes that help means I seek out a friend and ask for good wise and Godly counsel; often it means I ask a friend to listen. Always it means I turn to the Lord and ask for His help. I know I can't cast down an idol of my own power any more effectively than I can do anything else.

I also say I'm sorry. I tell the Lord that I see my own sin and I affirm my sincere desire to live according to HIS ways. And I ask (again) for His help and leading.

Sometimes I just talk my way through His approach. I have a small mental stack of verses that I plow through - often aloud. I find it really helps. I affirm my belief that He knows the plans He has for me, and that they are plans to prosper me (Jer 29:11). I affirm my belief that He works all things together for my good (Rom 8:28). And I thank Him for the truth that, while there are many plans in the hearts of man, it is the Lord's purpose that prevails (Prov 19:21).

And then I praise and thank Him...lavishly if I can. I thank Him for who He is, and for what He does for me. And again and again, I THANK Him for being bigger than I am, for knowing more than I do. I thank Him for showing me my errors and for being willing to Love me again and again. I thank Him for being right and for teaching me. I thank Him for frustrating me; it's how I learn. I thank Him for knowing what I need, and I thank Him for making sure I am not cheated. I thank Him for loving me enough to help me learn things the hard way - in those situations where no other method seems to be working. And finally, I thank Him for being who He is: trustworthy, in charge and always looking out for my best interests.

My heart changes when I pray. My heart changes when I pray scripture. And the whole world changes when I let Him change my heart. And that is my how-to.

How to "how to"?

In years past, I have spent much energy being frustrated with a lack of instruction. I would read books or listen to sermons that would espouse all sorts of direction about the ideals of life, the guidance of the word and the importance of the pursuit of righteous living. Yet, so often, I would leave these times of teaching with a feeling that what was said was great, and that I agreed with it (mentally), but that I had absolutely no idea how to do it...how to live it, or live into it.

As I've been writing this blog, I've learned that it is really really easy to prattle on about what I am personally pursuing, without ever giving thought to mentioning the how.

In part, what I have learned is that the "how" is something I sometimes have to figure out for myself. Sometimes, my "how" looks completely different from the how of a friend. We each have our own paths, our own relationships with God and our own selves. So, sometimes, the how is wholly unique.

At the same time, I have learned that there are many good teachers who share about their own approaches and that, sometimes, my approach is influenced and shaped by using theirs as a guidepost.

With that in mind, I've been looking lately at my own realization that I had put a lot of faith in my own plans, and not put much energy toward the Lord's direction in one particular area of my life. I simply wasn't conceding control to Him; I had not yet come to that place of yield. Or, rather, I'd perhaps been there, but had packed up my things and carried on my merry way alone for some time now.

I've continued to write & pray about how important it is that I repent (simply: stop & reverse course). Yet, I have been asking myself, "How do I do that?" What does it look like?

So, this will be a two-part posting... First, today, I want to focus on the importance of understanding and sharing my own how-to.

When I walk through the halls of my (largely unbelieving) office, the halls of my home, or even the halls of my church, I have a million opportunities to demonstrate to others what it means to be a follow of Jesus. And I could wax poetic for hours about the amazing impact that decision has had on my life and how valuable it is every day. Yet, if there is no clear way for me to share with someone how they can do that too, I lose a lot of opportunity for effective witness.

It's often discussed that we, as believers, ALL should know how to share about our faith and lead others towards Christ and salvation. Yet, many of us feel intimidated by and afraid of this prospect. Our pastor at church likes to say, "if you don't know how to tell someone about Jesus, just invite them to church and I'll do it for you!" His offer is a generous one; many of us don't know how. And I fully admit that, at times, I have no idea myself.

What I will say is that I have found it much more effective to tell someone what I have done and how it has worked for me, rather than telling them what they should do. I admit 100% that I have no real idea what's "best" for me in the big picture of life, and I wouldn't put on the airs of saying I could tell you what's best for you either. That's not really my job in many ways. What I can do, however, is tell you where I've been, tell you how Jesus has changed my life and tell you what it looks like for me to follow Him today...and of course, what that means for my life and its direction on a daily basis. And hopefully I can live out for you in a million ways the blessing of living committed to Him.

I find that this method of communication is also much better received. When I am telling you about me, I come from a place of sincere humility. This is just my story. If I start to tell you what you should do, I step into a place I'm not often supposed to be. So I try not to go there. Don't get me wrong; we all have advice and wisdom to share, and that kind of relationship is part of the picture of friendship, love and commitment demonstrated in the Bible. I just try to keep proper perspective about how I live that out.

So, if you've been kind enough to forgive my rambling, I will wrap up for today. I invite you to consider the "how" of your faith. What does it look like? In your outward practice (quiet time, church attendance, service, etc)? How does it impact the way you make decisions? The way you prioritize your time? The way you look at the world around you - in micro view? These are the things that, when demonstrated, are powerful witness to the world around us. When demonstrated and then articulated to an inquiring friend, they can help clarify things that it may otherwise take much more seeking to understand.

So, I ask you to consider...how? How do you do it?

It's Not About Me

So, as many of you know, I've been writing a lot lately about waiting on God. And, as is always the case, the things I'm writing about a lot are the things I'm also thinking and praying about a lot. A lot. A loooot.

:)

And recently, I had yet another of revelation. I have to admit that I pause before I write this. This "revelation" I'm about to share about seems so elementary in hindsight. But, really, in all-sight, I am so elementary. So I guess it is what it is!

I was recently praying about and reflecting upon my understandings of the ways in which I've made my own best plans an idol. I had been relying upon them so heavily and trusting in them. I had taken (initial) direction from the Lord and plowed ahead without much surrender to His ways on the daily path to His appointed destination.

And what I recognize now as a natural by-product of that approach to life has been an under-the-surface, but persistent certainty that the reason things weren't going the way I thought they should was because I was somehow inadequate.

Many times, I've had to recognize a belief that something God wasn't doing was NOT because God was waiting for me to "get it right" before He'd love or bless me. Now, don't get me wrong; I do believe that persistent sin can stand in the way of persistent blessing. However, it is contrary to the Word and nature of God to believe that He punishes me for my inadvertent human failings.

This lately realization, however, wasn't focused on my actions. I wasn't thinking that because I'd done something "wrong," God was withholding His hand. Rather, I realized that my not-quite-articulated internal belief was that God was doing something to me (and yes, I use the phrase "to me" intentionally) because I, in the very essence of my being, was not good enough. I was believing a lie (straight from the pit!) that because I was not "good enough" (and yes, for me, that lie is always just some vague reference to general shortcoming), God wasn't going to take care of me.

Ick.

Like I said, a lie straight from the pit. God's word is FULL of affirmation that He loves us in spite of our fallen state, and in fact, nearly every act chronicled in the Bible centers on His action-packed pursuit of a loving relationship with us, despite our fallen, messed up, imperfect state. He loves me. And just as I love others, I would not withhold my help from them simply because I am repelled by their imperfection. And God does not treat me or you this way either.

I was grateful for the reminder. He came so that I might have life, and have it in abundance. No holds barred. The only caveat is that I commit my heart to Him, surrender to His ways and believing Him fully - day by imperfect day!

Expecting You

As those of you who've been reading the last week or two will know, I'm in the middle of a little bit of a revelatory period here. I'm seeing an important area of my life in which I've been holding onto control and focusing my attentions on a plan of my own design.

I was praying about the wholesale change I need God to help create in my heart and life in order to grow into a greater place of surrender to and dependence on His plans and His designs. I've realized that much of what makes it difficult to surrender and truly embrace His plans is a lack of trust. I feel afraid that His plan won't be as "good" as mine, or that I won't get what it is that I think I want and need as it unfolds.

Of course, these fears are unfounded...in fact, even more than being unfounded, they are flatly contrary to the truth of the Word. Yet, fear (as the absence of faith) is just that, is it not?

So, I started praying and realizing I needed to grab onto hope to get me to the place of really grabbing onto and embracing belief. I started to think about the use of the word "hope" in the Bible. This is a concept I've written about before, and love. The hope of the Bible is a hope not of wishing and wondering, but instead of expectation. And as I prayed, I realized the thing I "hoped" for more than all else was for the Lord's will, the Lord's way and His hand. The wonderful truth about this desire is that I am absolutely guaranteed that I can hope in FULL expectation of Him!

So, for today (and every day!) that is my prayer - for full expectant, overflowing, busting at the seems hope of His will, His plan and His way. I know He delivers - right on time, every time. Hallelujah!

I'll Take it From Here, part 2

I'm going to start where I left off yesterday... if you missed it, check out this post to get yourself oriented: Part 1.

So, that gem of a verse from Proverbs? It's no surprise to me that I've found it necessary to memorize this one. Ah the Spirit knows my heart and guides me where I need to go! Check out the translation from The Message: "We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails." I actually had to laugh when I first read that version. Ain't that the truth!

So, here's where I have found myself to be: I listened for God's will as to my destination, and once He supplied it, I went a little outlaw and worked primarily off my own best ideas and plans. And, as I've written about earlier this week, I even found myself nearly irate when God didn't seem to be complying with all the plans I'd made.

I realized that my anger and frustration were rooted in that idol I've shared about: my plan. "But this is not according to the plan!," my heart cries out. "Whose plan?," asks the Spirit. "Well, mine."

Ah yes. I keep brainstorming options and plans, but I'm not the only one with a plan: "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT)

Oh heavenly God, I am so grateful for Your plans! And thankful that even when I say, "I'll take it from here," and then find myself wandering in the wilderness, You are forgiving enough to say, "Now I will take you from here," and You pick me up and lead me aright again.

Thank You, Father, for Your grace. Help me to desire Your will AND Your way. Lord, conform my plan to Yours and let me depend on You for leading in every step.

I'll Take it From Here, part 1

Many of you know that Hebrews 11:8 has been a favorite of mine for a long time: "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."

What has appealed to me about this verse is the reminder that, even though I may have no idea the directions in which God is leading me, I can follow Him faithfully and, later, I trust in the fact that the unknown place to which He is leading will be my inheritance of joy and promise. I've put a lot of energy and effort (as longer term readers will know!) into stepping forward into the unknown and embracing His faithfulness as my promise of security in the way told of in this very verse.

But oh how subtle and tricky life can be! Or how dense, perhaps, my little human mind can be! I've recently uncovered a new area in my life where I need to apply similar principles to those used when stepping, on faith, into the unknown. The difference is just subtle enough that I, in my headstrong self-reliance, have managed to miss it for quite some time now. And all the while, I've just been stepping deeper and deeper into that trap that comes when I start to trust in my own ways.

Though they sometimes feel few & far between, there are areas in life in which I've felt God step in and say, "Hey, this is where I'm taking you. The destination looks like this." A friend summarized my own situation perfectly when she said, "It's like you took that direction and said, 'Okay, great. Thanks for the end-point. I'll just go ahead and take it from here.'"

I have to stop and observe that my frequent prayer (like many of you, I'm sure) is for God's direction in my life. Yet, when I think about that, I have to laugh. In some ways, I have listened only long enough to hear information about the target-point. Yet, that's not really all of it, is it? When I ask a friend for directions to her house, I generally expect more than the name of the subdivision or neighborhood. I'm saying, "Alright, I see that I'm coming to your home. Now, how do I get there?" Yet, with the Lord, in some pretty important areas, I've done a terrible job of asking "How do I get there?" Once He's said, "You're heading to this place," I've just gone on my merry way.

And yet...

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

And Hallelujah for that truth! (Although, I admit, it's that same truth that - at times - has frustrated me to distant end!)

So, then what? Then I wait on the Lord. Lord, I ask not only where we are going, but how it is You should like me to get there. Guide me, Friend & Father, guide me!

My Plan the Idol

I found myself getting really frustrated with God recently, and I knew this had to be pointing to some sort of rebellion in me. And really, it's not like it's that subtle of an issue to ferret out. When I'm unhappy with the way God is doing something, it means my heart is not submitted to His ways of doing...well, everything.

In my particular example, I've been really frustrated with the timing on a particular issue. And I know I'm not the only one who has issues like this come up regularly. And I can come up with a million rationalizations or excuses ("Well, so-and-so has been really busy" or "Oh the wheels of corporate America run slowly", etc), but the bottom line is that God is in charge of ALL timing...decisions of family, schedules of friends and even the wheels of corporate America. And so, my beef was with God.

I came quickly to a realization that I needed to get that rebellious attitude in check immediate, and thankfully He is gracious to help me do just that. As I started looking deeper at this issue, however, I realized that my frustration was rooted in a sense that my plans were being foiled again and again - by God. No wonder I was angry! I was viewing God as my opponent - and He is a fierce competitor!!

I realized that my "plan" had become my idol. I had put so much faith and energy into it; I had hung my hopes on it. And each time the mental milestones had been bypassed or missed or routed entirely, my own human nature would just work to create a new, revised version of "the plan." This planning happens almost automatically and unconsciously for me; it is so much a part of my own personal nature. And each time I had to revamp the plan, I got frustrated. I might as well have been calling out to the heavens, "Hey! I'm working on something here! Do you mind?!?!"

It's a wonder it took me so long to hear what I think God as (essentially) been calling back down to me, which is: "Hey, I'm working on something here! Do you mind?"

Until He decides to take next steps, I am going to be getting a lot of practice surrendering this one. Each time I start walking through the plan, mentally working on contingencies (which I do a lot!), I'm going to have to stop and cast this one down again. Thanks for being with me on the journey!

Hissy Fit

So, I had to have another hissy fit at God this weekend. I found myself just so, so frustrated! I basically interrupted another conversation so I could go have a little "discussion" with my God and King.

It's hard sometimes to remember that, although He IS Lord of all creation, it is okay for me to come to Him with openness and frankness. I can speak to him with deference and respect, but also express that I'm angry and frustrated and feeling cranky.

The wonderful thing about sharing with the Lord is that somehow, by the amazing power of His grace, it changes me. Sure, my prayer my start out with my underlying message being that I would like to change GOD, but I usually end such prayers with a new heart for submission and Biblical gentleness, knowing that, instead, I need to let Him change me.

His ways are perfect; His ways are just. He is working for my greater good; He is working for your greater good. He has all things under His control, and He knows what He is doing. Trust Him. The righteous will live by faith, and He will not disappoint.

No Jesus, No Peace

It's part of a popular "slogan," and has been featured on many bumper stickers, and although it irks me to admit it, I must do so: that saying is really true.

If you're not familiar, the saying is this:

No Jesus, No Peace

Know Jesus, Know Peace

I believe I've written about this topic before, but I have again been struck by how difficult it must be to live life without a relationship with Jesus, and rooted in the Word. I remember realizing a few years ago that the "instruction manual" people are always quipping doesn't exist really does. The Bible provides for us direction and guidance that, when engaged as a part of and fuel for our living, breathing relationship with Christ, can and will guide us to the right path each and every time.

I've wondered lately at bickering co-workers, spouses whose relationship has fallen into disrepair and parents who find themselves at wit's end with how to approach their children...or perhaps children at the same spot in regard to their parents. How to act? What to do? Which direction to shoot for? What is the ideal worth seeking?

These are questions I know I once asked in my own heart time and time again. Now, I feel flooded with gratitude as I reflect on the fact that I know the answer to the questions. I may not know what my searching will find, but I at least know where to look to begin the search. And I am overwhelmed when I look at my non-believing friends and their dismay at how to handle life. I will do what I can to point them toward God and His ever-loving, faithful, supportive hand, but beyond that, I can only pray. And pray I do, and pray I will. My heart goes out today to those who find themselves wandering in search of a path. I, myself, wander on the path quite often, but at least I know which road I am walking.

Tomorrow's Portion

It's so easy for me to get "spun up" about various things in my daily life. This is an area where the enemy frequently tries to get to me. I can get ahead of myself so easily.

I have to remind myself frequently about the truth revealed in Matthew 6:34: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's so easy to get sucked into tomorrow; it's easy for many of us to also worry. Naturally, many of us worry about tomorrow. First of all, it's clear from the verse above, that we are commanded not to worry. This isn't just a suggestion or a feel-good motto suggested by Jesus; this is a command. He says, "Do not...." Plain and simple. And that should be enough. Jesus said don't, so I won't.

However, for me, I do find it easier to follow this command when I remember all the other good reasons to do so. Not only does worrying do no good, it's not necessary. Most importantly, it's not necessary at all.

God will provide for us. He takes care of me today. He has always taken care of me, and He WILL take care of tomorrow. That's how He is; steadfast, faithful and trustworthy.

Sometimes the hardest part is realizing I need to let go and trust God, but it's important to try to stay on top of this one. I can actively believe God for His portion for me tomorrow - each and every time. And when I do, it's easier to enjoy and appreciate the manna He's given me for today.

Core Lies

I had a great conversation with some friends this weekend that got me thinking about the "core lie" in my life. The enemy has many tricks, but as I think I've written here before, it's said that he's persistent, but not particular creative. This has certainly been true in my life, and the more closely I examine my own history, the truer this seems.

Of the devil, the Bible tells us that "He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

It seems strange to have one, but I'd have to say this is one of my favorite verses about Satan. It reminds me of who he is and what he's about. He's in the business of deception; in fact, he is the father of lies! The FATHER of lies! Think about what that means; it is from him that lies are birthed and born.

This is a very true statement in my own life, and as I look at the lies with which he tries to goad me, they often tie back to a very small deck of fundamental or "core" lies.

For example, let's say that I have deep insecurities about being unintelligent or (in the language I think more of us are most likely to use with ourselves) stupid. Well, the enemy may not sit and whisper into my ear, "You're stupid! You're stupid!" all day. BUT, he may instead craft this lie into slightly more sophisticated versions to help infiltrate my entire life more completely. For example, at work, I may struggle to feel like my boss values my input. I may find myself saying things like, "Well, I don't know. I'm not sure I have the experience I need for this position." It may even be true that I have less experience than some of my peers, but the reason I give voice and energy to this self-doubt is that I am tied into that root deception that I'm a stupid person.

This could also show up (and most certainly would) in other areas of my life. If I am living in a way that believes the lie of my own stupidity, I might also struggle with fear about being a good parent. Perhaps a child of mine might struggle with school or a behavioral issue; I may find myself overly reactionary or fearful in response. Why? Maybe deep down, I am afraid I can't help my child, and in this faux story, let's just say that it might be because I find myself believing Satan's lie that I don't know how to handle my child; I don't know what to do next, and I can't figure it out. Translation: I am believing I'm stupid.

At the end of the day, this all boils down (as so much does!) to a question of who it is I am going to believe. The Word tells me that I am wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14); it also tells me that I am made thoroughly competent for the tasks He sets before me as I dwell in Him & His word (2 Tim 3:16-17). So, who is it that's telling me this core lie of stupidity? The enemy, of course. He is, afterall, the father of lies.

I have been praying and will continue to pray for revelation about the core lies I believe without even realizing it. I am certain they show up in many ways in my life - subtle and not-so. The word of the Father is pristine and right; the word of the darkness is life killing and contrary to His goals for you. Believing in the One worthy of your every faith!

The Grief of Sin

I have recently had a new experience I wanted to share here. I am coming to understand it as some important growth in my on walk with the Lord.

After identifying and acknowledging some recent areas of rebellion and sin, I found myself truly overcome with sadness and sorrow. There were expected (at least with me!) accompanying tears, pangs of deep ache and a sense of true anguish...and don't get me wrong; I know those are dramatic words. But the emotions were dramatic!

I wasn't sure how exactly to understand this at first. In the midst of these times, I was also actively and fervently seeking the Lord and praying for His forgiveness and peace to be with me. I worried that I was falling prey to an enemy trap to feel bad about myself or falling into self-judgement, but when I examined my heart, I didn't find shame or condemnation. Instead, what I realized, was that I had discovered a grief of sorts. I was lamenting and grieving my own sin. I believe the Lord's grace has led me to a new level of understanding and wisdom in the area of repentance. I felt truly saddened by the reality of my own fallen condition.

These times didn't last particularly long, nor have they lingered (and that lingering, for me, would have been an important signal that "something else" was going on). They were simply a part of my experience of repenting (or, more simply put, turning away from my sin) and asking for forgiveness from my Father.

A conversation with a friend prompted me to wonder about the Biblical foundation (or potential lack thereof) for such an experience. I quickly was reminded of many of David's penitent Psalms, and the Lamentations themselves. The word is truly plentiful with examples of faithful servants approaching God with not only apology, but sincere sadness for their transgression.

As it stands today, I don't have such an intense experience "every" time I find new places of sin in my life; I just understand that to be part of life. Some things are one way, and some things aren't. The mysteries of that balance are in His hands. I am, however, grateful to be feeling (and then releasing!) true sorrow for hurting the Father's heart. I am beyond grateful for His grace and forgiveness, always available to me.

People

Hello All! Welcome back for 2010 and I hope you all had wonderful Christmases! We had a truly blessed time, and I am so excited for what God has in store for 2010...

Now, onto the regular business:

Many of us are familiar with the oft quoted Proverb, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another," and it is the basis for my writing today (it's Proverbs 27:17).

I've been thinking about this and its application in various areas of my life. A wise mentor shared the idea that this "sharpening" process is the specific purpose of marriage. This was a new idea for me in some ways. I tend to apply this verse more to those people in my world who are difficult or challenging to deal with... and to friends who help keep me accountable. But the suggestion was that marriage itself serves this purpose. Yes, our spouses can be (and hopefully are!) important people in the accountability of our lives, but the situations that come up in marriage and other intimate relationships really do fit perfectly with the idea of a metal being honed.

Sometimes, those to whom I am closest are the ones who rub up against me in the ways that I find most bothersome...and by "bothersome," I mean frustrating. :)

The image in my head is that of a metal smith carefully crafting the iron in His hands; He selects the right tools to do the job, and the right times to apply fire and heat. And then He creates and molds. So, the idea that those who love me best and know me in intimate ways are also those who the Artist chooses to press into me, to use to sharpen me, makes sense.

For me, this is a helpful way to think about challenging situations that arise in these close relationships - marriage and others that are deeply intimate: they're the hands of the Maker, honing His beloved art.