There's a phrase that it seems I use quite a lot: "Check your motives."
I tell it to other people, and most often, I tell it to myself. But I've been thinking about motives more lately, and not only what I think about them, but what God thinks about them. There are many references to a "pure heart" and other related terms in the Bible, including Hebrews 10:22 which encourages, "..let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith..." (NIV).
Now, I don't mean to say that the ideas I'm considering are the full (or even necessarily "correct") understanding of this verse, but it did catch my attention that we're instructed to draw near with a sincere heart. Not just draw near.
I have to wonder if the results and outcomes matter nearly as much as our intentions. If we get it wrong, but try for truly the right reasons, how does God see that? Now, my thought is that He probably views it quite kindly. I will add to this, however, a warning. Speaking only for myself, I know I have the capacity to convince myself that my reasons are "right," when, really, they're self-motivated. I want to tell someone they hurt me, and I position it as holding them accountable... and, in certain circumstances, this may very well be the case... but in others, my outward action may look identical, but my heart in it is self-serving.
I think that God knows us from the inside out. So what is happening within us has got to be at least as important as what is happening around us. I am praying today for a clean heart and clean hands. I want my only motives to be honoring His name and doing His will. I can only do it with His help, but He is faithful in all things!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Quiet
So, about a month ago, our church began a 40 day journey - one that we, as a church, undertake periodically. I'm grateful for that fact; it's been a blessing to me personally, and I'm -because of the sheer power of prayer - many others. Along with the 40 days of 24/7 prayer, it was suggested to us that we consider fasting during the 40 day period. I prayed about the fast, and felt led to fast television.
I'll admit; this seemed a little funny to me, because I didn't think I watched that much TV. And, 35 days or so into the 40 days, I still don't think I watch much TV. That said, I think I understand some more things about His purpose in this leading.
Initially, I suspected that He wanted me to lean on Him for relaxation. I don't have cable, and the only TV I do watch is through free online sites. There are 3 or 4 shows I like to keep up on, but I don't feel particularly attached to them in any deep way. But, I do use them to relax. Often, when I get home at the end of the day, I pull out the laptop and put on a show... just as a sort of half-engaging background to the time of winding down at the end of my day.
I thought, "God wants me to let Him be my source for relaxation as well. Okay, great." Well, I think that was "kind of" the point. I certainly don't think that God has anything against a bubble bath, a quiet book or even a movie as a mode of relaxation. Quite the contrary; I think He probably gave us all these wonderful opportunities to relax just to help us out and give us pleasure!
Here is what I am realizing about my own life, though. In the time since I started my TV fast, I've noticed that I listen to a LOT more radio. If I'm home, and not on the phone, it's pretty much a sure bet that I have the radio going - usually public talk radio... voices. I also often have Facebook or Twitter pulled up. I am a child of my era - always ready for the mass inundation of communication from the world around me.
But, you know who I don't hear then? God.
I think God has helped me to see that I almost constantly have some sort of "noise" around me. I spend some true "quiet time" with the Lord each morning, but that is definitely intentional and certainly requires some discipline. For some reason, I seem so ready to fill the quiet spaces in life. In fact, I've noticed that the only times I go out of my way to turn off all those sources of input are when my head feels overwhelmed and my thoughts are racing. It seems the noise inside my head is sometimes enough. :)
So, I'm not sure what the take-away is quite yet. I tend to think that awareness often creates the action needed, and that may be simply that. But I can say that... for myself, I am certainly considering the space I create (or don't) for silence in my every day. How about you?
I'll admit; this seemed a little funny to me, because I didn't think I watched that much TV. And, 35 days or so into the 40 days, I still don't think I watch much TV. That said, I think I understand some more things about His purpose in this leading.
Initially, I suspected that He wanted me to lean on Him for relaxation. I don't have cable, and the only TV I do watch is through free online sites. There are 3 or 4 shows I like to keep up on, but I don't feel particularly attached to them in any deep way. But, I do use them to relax. Often, when I get home at the end of the day, I pull out the laptop and put on a show... just as a sort of half-engaging background to the time of winding down at the end of my day.
I thought, "God wants me to let Him be my source for relaxation as well. Okay, great." Well, I think that was "kind of" the point. I certainly don't think that God has anything against a bubble bath, a quiet book or even a movie as a mode of relaxation. Quite the contrary; I think He probably gave us all these wonderful opportunities to relax just to help us out and give us pleasure!
Here is what I am realizing about my own life, though. In the time since I started my TV fast, I've noticed that I listen to a LOT more radio. If I'm home, and not on the phone, it's pretty much a sure bet that I have the radio going - usually public talk radio... voices. I also often have Facebook or Twitter pulled up. I am a child of my era - always ready for the mass inundation of communication from the world around me.
But, you know who I don't hear then? God.
I think God has helped me to see that I almost constantly have some sort of "noise" around me. I spend some true "quiet time" with the Lord each morning, but that is definitely intentional and certainly requires some discipline. For some reason, I seem so ready to fill the quiet spaces in life. In fact, I've noticed that the only times I go out of my way to turn off all those sources of input are when my head feels overwhelmed and my thoughts are racing. It seems the noise inside my head is sometimes enough. :)
So, I'm not sure what the take-away is quite yet. I tend to think that awareness often creates the action needed, and that may be simply that. But I can say that... for myself, I am certainly considering the space I create (or don't) for silence in my every day. How about you?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Check Your Motives
So, I have this dog... well, I have two dogs actually. One, named Chloe, I bought from a reputable breeder and have had since she left their loving home. My other dog is a wild Mini Australian Shepherd named Coda. Coda was taken away from his mother way too early, and then lived a very chaotic and borderline abusive situation for the first couple months of his life. Then, he came to live with me.
From the beginning, Coda has been a challenge. He has 10x the energy (at least!) of my other dog, and lots and lots of neurotic tendencies. His separation anxiety and other neuroses are readily evident, and often remind me of his rough start in life. Even though it's been more than three years since he came to live with me, and even though I raised him from a puppy, those first few months of life still show their marks on him with some frequency.
I'd be lying if I pretended that he didn't try my patience. He does. Much more frequently than my other dog. However, I would also be doing him a disservice if I didn't also let you know that, really, he is a very, very good dog. He has a very strong desire to please me, and he is as smart as can be. His intentions are good. I am pretty sure that, if I could get inside his head, it'd sound a lot like this: "Please mommy. Love mommy. Be by mommy. Don't make mommy mad. Get snacks. Please mommy. Love mommy. Be by mommy. Don't make mommy mad. Get snacks" and again and again and again.... Most the time, he does do pretty darn well. But, sometimes, his old wounds show up in ways that annoy me to death! He can be extra clingy, and sometimes I just need him to *not* be touching me.
That said, sometimes I tell him to "go lay down" (which basically translates to "leave me alone for a little bit") and he just can't seem to restrain himself. Within a moment, he is back by my sad, hoping for some reassurance. And do you know what happens then?
Although he sometimes isn't doing what I've asked, it is because of circumstances beyond his control. It's because of his start in life, and I believe that in whatever way a dog can, he is sincerely trying to fight off his impulses to follow my direction. Sometimes, however, he just can't seem to help himself.
Well, this is where I get to my point (I know you were wondering what could have possessed me to go on and on about my dog!). I think I see a parallel between Coda and myself. I so badly want to do God's will. I so long to follow His direction, and act in exactly the way He'd have me act. But, sometimes, I don't do that perfectly. Sometimes, I don't even do it well. And then what?
I admit that sometimes I am tempted to think that God is angrily watching me in frustration. As if He might be thinking, "Look, Marina! Stop messing up! Get it right already, will ya?!?" But, c'mon... Think of the principle in Luke 11:13. That verse is Jesus saying, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:13 (NIV).
So, yeah, when Coda does something that isn't quite right, I don't sit stewing in anger and frustration. I appreciate that he really is trying, and I appreciate his desire to obey. And I love him. Sometimes I discipline him, yes, but I also love him. And if I can do this for my dog, how much more grace and kindness and compassion and mercy must the God of all the Heavens have on me, His precious child!!!
I don't know if you will find this kind of metaphor or parallel helpful... but if you do, I bet there are a million places in your own life - with your friends, or your spouse or you kids, or even your pets where you demonstrate gracious and patient love. Remember that He gives us this and so much more every time we need it. Praise God!
From the beginning, Coda has been a challenge. He has 10x the energy (at least!) of my other dog, and lots and lots of neurotic tendencies. His separation anxiety and other neuroses are readily evident, and often remind me of his rough start in life. Even though it's been more than three years since he came to live with me, and even though I raised him from a puppy, those first few months of life still show their marks on him with some frequency.
I'd be lying if I pretended that he didn't try my patience. He does. Much more frequently than my other dog. However, I would also be doing him a disservice if I didn't also let you know that, really, he is a very, very good dog. He has a very strong desire to please me, and he is as smart as can be. His intentions are good. I am pretty sure that, if I could get inside his head, it'd sound a lot like this: "Please mommy. Love mommy. Be by mommy. Don't make mommy mad. Get snacks. Please mommy. Love mommy. Be by mommy. Don't make mommy mad. Get snacks" and again and again and again.... Most the time, he does do pretty darn well. But, sometimes, his old wounds show up in ways that annoy me to death! He can be extra clingy, and sometimes I just need him to *not* be touching me.
That said, sometimes I tell him to "go lay down" (which basically translates to "leave me alone for a little bit") and he just can't seem to restrain himself. Within a moment, he is back by my sad, hoping for some reassurance. And do you know what happens then?
Although he sometimes isn't doing what I've asked, it is because of circumstances beyond his control. It's because of his start in life, and I believe that in whatever way a dog can, he is sincerely trying to fight off his impulses to follow my direction. Sometimes, however, he just can't seem to help himself.
Well, this is where I get to my point (I know you were wondering what could have possessed me to go on and on about my dog!). I think I see a parallel between Coda and myself. I so badly want to do God's will. I so long to follow His direction, and act in exactly the way He'd have me act. But, sometimes, I don't do that perfectly. Sometimes, I don't even do it well. And then what?
I admit that sometimes I am tempted to think that God is angrily watching me in frustration. As if He might be thinking, "Look, Marina! Stop messing up! Get it right already, will ya?!?" But, c'mon... Think of the principle in Luke 11:13. That verse is Jesus saying, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:13 (NIV).
So, yeah, when Coda does something that isn't quite right, I don't sit stewing in anger and frustration. I appreciate that he really is trying, and I appreciate his desire to obey. And I love him. Sometimes I discipline him, yes, but I also love him. And if I can do this for my dog, how much more grace and kindness and compassion and mercy must the God of all the Heavens have on me, His precious child!!!
I don't know if you will find this kind of metaphor or parallel helpful... but if you do, I bet there are a million places in your own life - with your friends, or your spouse or you kids, or even your pets where you demonstrate gracious and patient love. Remember that He gives us this and so much more every time we need it. Praise God!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Guidance of the Lord
So, let me ask you this: How good do you think the Lord is at guiding you? I mean, really, is it pretty good? flawless? or kind of hit-and-miss?
Why am I asking? Are you offended by the question? Well, let me explain...
I talked yesterday with a good friend, and our conversation turned toward the very topic about which I'm writing today. Then, less than 4 hours later, I heard a teaching that included the exact same ideas my friend & I had been discussing. Our conversation had already stimulated me, and started my wheels turning... but when a key concept (or verse) comes up multiple times in close succession like that, I tend to think it might just be God wanting to make sure He got my attention.
So, let me get to the point. The pastor speaking last night posed the question this way: Which do you trust more? Your ability to hear God, or His ability to lead you, even when you're deaf and blind?
Not sure exactly what that means?
Well, my friend & I were discussing in this context. I think it's a reasonable statement to say that Satan does not want us to be effectively working toward Kingdom purposes. He doesn't want us walking in victory over our strongholds, and he most certainly does NOT want us living as witnesses to God's kindness, faithfulness, mercy and grace. In short order, he wants to keep us from bringing glory to God. He wants us frozen in fear, mired in confusion and/or ineffective in whatever way he can get.
This may not be true for your life, but I know that in my life, I find a great "in" for the lies of the enemy is through something that, on its face, appears to be obedient or rightly motivated, but when I look beneath the surface, some of those things are really rooted in the psychology of the world, and ultimately, founded on a fearful ground. (More on motivations tomorrow, I think... for now, I'm going to try to stay focused....)
One such in is my desire to hear God's word and live His will out in my life. I pray diligently for His will to be done, and His kingdom to come in me, through me and with my help. I want to be involved in what He is doing, and pursuing the things He prioritizes for my life. I really do. And those desires are good and right and pure.
However, sometimes, I can get so caught up in trying to hear that I find myself a little frozen, or stuck. Rather than stepping out on faith, I am sitting still as a stone, waiting to be certain I know what He wants me to do. Now, I certainly do not mean to come out against waiting for ultimate knowing and confirmation from the Lord. Absolutely not.
What I do mean to say, however, is that there may be times in our lives when we work against the purposes of God simply because we don't really trust Him to be able to guide us. Instead of stepping out in the direction we think is best, and putting ourselves 100% into His plan, we stall. And why? Well, I know that, for me, the answer is often that I don't want to do the wrong thing! I want to do what He desires me to do!
But, let me ask this... if my heart is true, and my intention truly to follow His will, if I step out - even before I completely understand the entire plan - is that foolishness? Or is it stepping out in faith?
Please know that I don't pose these questions thinking that there is a simple answer, or an answer that applies across the board. I mean only to suggest that there are questions that I know I need to keep in mind. The potential answers are things that have derailed me before.
So, back to the question my pastor posed. Which do I trust more? My ability to hear (i.e. I refuse to do the thing I *think* is okay, because I haven't yet heard Him give me the full explanation?) or do I trust His ability to keep me on the right path? Do I trust His ability to guide my steps even more than my perfectly good desire to hear confirmation from Him.
I think there is much more discussion and thought to be put into these ideas. I suspect they'll resurface here soon. For now, however, I think it is good to consider what motivates our waiting: a desire to do things His way, or a desire to hear about His way in my way? And, last of all, a reminder: His way is often not comfortable! I do wonder how my own desire for comfort plays into this whole idea... food for thought!
Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Psalms 31:3 (NIV)
Why am I asking? Are you offended by the question? Well, let me explain...
I talked yesterday with a good friend, and our conversation turned toward the very topic about which I'm writing today. Then, less than 4 hours later, I heard a teaching that included the exact same ideas my friend & I had been discussing. Our conversation had already stimulated me, and started my wheels turning... but when a key concept (or verse) comes up multiple times in close succession like that, I tend to think it might just be God wanting to make sure He got my attention.
So, let me get to the point. The pastor speaking last night posed the question this way: Which do you trust more? Your ability to hear God, or His ability to lead you, even when you're deaf and blind?
Not sure exactly what that means?
Well, my friend & I were discussing in this context. I think it's a reasonable statement to say that Satan does not want us to be effectively working toward Kingdom purposes. He doesn't want us walking in victory over our strongholds, and he most certainly does NOT want us living as witnesses to God's kindness, faithfulness, mercy and grace. In short order, he wants to keep us from bringing glory to God. He wants us frozen in fear, mired in confusion and/or ineffective in whatever way he can get.
This may not be true for your life, but I know that in my life, I find a great "in" for the lies of the enemy is through something that, on its face, appears to be obedient or rightly motivated, but when I look beneath the surface, some of those things are really rooted in the psychology of the world, and ultimately, founded on a fearful ground. (More on motivations tomorrow, I think... for now, I'm going to try to stay focused....)
One such in is my desire to hear God's word and live His will out in my life. I pray diligently for His will to be done, and His kingdom to come in me, through me and with my help. I want to be involved in what He is doing, and pursuing the things He prioritizes for my life. I really do. And those desires are good and right and pure.
However, sometimes, I can get so caught up in trying to hear that I find myself a little frozen, or stuck. Rather than stepping out on faith, I am sitting still as a stone, waiting to be certain I know what He wants me to do. Now, I certainly do not mean to come out against waiting for ultimate knowing and confirmation from the Lord. Absolutely not.
What I do mean to say, however, is that there may be times in our lives when we work against the purposes of God simply because we don't really trust Him to be able to guide us. Instead of stepping out in the direction we think is best, and putting ourselves 100% into His plan, we stall. And why? Well, I know that, for me, the answer is often that I don't want to do the wrong thing! I want to do what He desires me to do!
But, let me ask this... if my heart is true, and my intention truly to follow His will, if I step out - even before I completely understand the entire plan - is that foolishness? Or is it stepping out in faith?
Please know that I don't pose these questions thinking that there is a simple answer, or an answer that applies across the board. I mean only to suggest that there are questions that I know I need to keep in mind. The potential answers are things that have derailed me before.
So, back to the question my pastor posed. Which do I trust more? My ability to hear (i.e. I refuse to do the thing I *think* is okay, because I haven't yet heard Him give me the full explanation?) or do I trust His ability to keep me on the right path? Do I trust His ability to guide my steps even more than my perfectly good desire to hear confirmation from Him.
I think there is much more discussion and thought to be put into these ideas. I suspect they'll resurface here soon. For now, however, I think it is good to consider what motivates our waiting: a desire to do things His way, or a desire to hear about His way in my way? And, last of all, a reminder: His way is often not comfortable! I do wonder how my own desire for comfort plays into this whole idea... food for thought!
Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Psalms 31:3 (NIV)
Friday, March 27, 2009
Favor
I read something the other day that has been percolating around in my mind since. It was a devotional that talked about the challenge of believing in God's faithfulness and goodness in the midst of testing and seasons of trial.
The author also brought forth the idea of believing not only in strength to persevere, but also in the Lord's blessing and favor in these same difficult times. It reminded me of a verse I have had many occasions to love:
"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless" Psalms 84:11 (NIV).
He bestows favor and honor. Let that soak in, if you will... favor and honor. He bestows favor. He bestows honor on me. On you. No good thing does He withhold.
I don't know about you, but there are days where, in the midst of my human experience, that feels very, very difficult to believe. I think that, on an even more fundamental level, that can be incredibly difficult even to comprehend. I mean, really. He is the provider of life and light (a sun) and my barrier of protection. And, on top of all that provision, He provides favor for us.
The Hebrew word that is translated here as "favor" implies beauty and kindness in favor. It implies undeserved and unexpected grace and generosity. I know there are times in which I find it very difficult to see the evidence of grace and generosity in my life. But I think it' the challenge of faith to believe Him for its presence regardless. What is more, I think it's a discipline of faith to pray thanks to Him for the coming favor He has promised to bring. Hang in there. He is faithful indeed.
The author also brought forth the idea of believing not only in strength to persevere, but also in the Lord's blessing and favor in these same difficult times. It reminded me of a verse I have had many occasions to love:
"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless" Psalms 84:11 (NIV).
He bestows favor and honor. Let that soak in, if you will... favor and honor. He bestows favor. He bestows honor on me. On you. No good thing does He withhold.
I don't know about you, but there are days where, in the midst of my human experience, that feels very, very difficult to believe. I think that, on an even more fundamental level, that can be incredibly difficult even to comprehend. I mean, really. He is the provider of life and light (a sun) and my barrier of protection. And, on top of all that provision, He provides favor for us.
The Hebrew word that is translated here as "favor" implies beauty and kindness in favor. It implies undeserved and unexpected grace and generosity. I know there are times in which I find it very difficult to see the evidence of grace and generosity in my life. But I think it' the challenge of faith to believe Him for its presence regardless. What is more, I think it's a discipline of faith to pray thanks to Him for the coming favor He has promised to bring. Hang in there. He is faithful indeed.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Plans, Plans & More Plans
The Bible has a LOT to say about God's plans for us... as well as some excellent advice about how we're to go about making and pursuing plans in our lives. But there was a verse that caught my attention today:
"However, as it is written: 'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him'" 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV).
I was praying this morning about my life today, and how different it is from where I once was. God has been incredibly kind and generous with me. His sweetness and mercy show in a million places all over the landscape of my life. I'm very blessed. I am in this wonderful place where I feel like the Lord is starting to reveal some of His plans for me, and some of those that have been previously revealed are coming to be my present reality. It's so fun!
I am pretty sure that He knows that I have a hard time adjusting to certain things, so a lot of time, He is gracious enough to give me a sort of "heads up" so I know where He's taking me! Don't get me wrong; there's a lot unknown, and the timing is almost always very, very unknown... but sometimes He shows me the path we're on. The trick, I find, is to just make sure to let Him lead. :)
What I'm starting to realize more and more is that, His plans are always good. Over time, I've even gotten to a place in which I find myself to be SO excited for what He has planned next.
Okay, I'm going to warn you. I'm about to make what may be the cheesiest statement on this blog to date. I know, I know, but seriously, it's genuine. So, here it is.
I feel a little bit like life is just this giant gift, and each day is opening the wrapping just a little bit more and more. There are new surprises, new delights. Sometimes there's a paper cut. Sometimes there's a remarkably sweet find. But it is always good. Because HE is good.
I do a lot of guessing; I admit it. And I still can't seem to keep myself from trying to have input from time to time... but, I am glad to rest in the assurance that His plans are beyond what I can even imagine! I have found that He doesn't always give me what I want; but He always gives me what I need. And from my own personal experience, I can truly say that when I get what I need, it is always better than what I thought I wanted in the first place.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Learning to Ride a Bicycle Built for Two
Life with the Lord, for me, has been a lot like riding a tandem bicycle. It's a metaphor I heard once, and it couldn't be more true. Allow me to share with you about my journey. I hope you find it a blessing.
I started out by simply allowing Him to sit on the back seat of the bike. I had this bike, and for some unknown reason, it did seem to have an empty seat. And I kept hearing about how much He wanted to tag along. So, I let Him. Sort of.
I still struggled to hold onto my map while also steering and peddling. Rushing through the paths and roadways of life, sometimes it was very difficult to see which turn to take - let alone to keep that darn bike moving. Every now and then, on a particularly hard day, I'd lean back just far enough to give the silent signal that I needed some help. At first, all I was comfortable with was letting Him reach up and just put His hand on my shoulder, a little pat on the back. It helped.
Over time, I learned to trust Him more. He is there, each and every day, ready to ride. He seems thoroughly delighted just to be in on the trek. Eventually, I started to share with Him more. I'd talk about the plans I had, the places I was trying to get to, and even the courses I'd been plotting in my head for years. Sometimes, I even asked Him what He thought. For a long time, though, I didn't ever really listen for the answer.
After awhile, the inevitable thing would happen - again and again. I'd hit a dead end. The course I'd plotted would run into a brick wall out of no where. I'd often muster up a new round of courage and just start peddling again. Re-plotting my course. Finally, I started asking Him for input about how to get to my planned destinations. I even started listening to His answers. One day, something inside me shifted, and I had a new thought; I asked Him, for the first time, about where He thought I should be heading. Then, He answered me. And I asked Him how to get there. A lot of the destinations on His list where places I'd never even heard of. I knew I wouldn't be able to find them on my own.
One day, I noticed something else... I was peddling, peddling, peddling - each and every day. And when I got tired, I'd just hop off the bike and sit down. Well, one day, I started to get weary, and rather than stopping the bike, I just lifted up my feet for a moment. What I had been afraid to hope for happened: the bike kept moving. God was peddling. We moved faster than ever. And, although I don't know how He does it, He never seems to get tired. In fact, the less I peddled, and the more I let Him do the peddling, the better I felt, and the more pleased He seemed. And I know He has a special version of the map, because we ran into fewer and fewer dead ends.
In more recent years, I've had a new revelation in my bike ride. One day, as we got up and started to mount the bike, I did something I'd never done before. I climbed onto the back seat. He looked at me and smiled. I nodded. "Yeah," I said in acknowledgment of the decision I was making. "Please, get on." He sat in His rightful seat for the first time.
I'd be lying if I said this was an easy transition for me. It's scary in the backseat. I can't see where we're going much of the time, and I am constantly challenged to just trust Him. He is still doing most of the peddling, and almost all the navigating (although I do pipe in from time to time to make some suggestions!). I still give input on destinations sometimes, but I've found I'm getting more and more comfortable just letting Him decide.
With all these changes, I asked Him one day, "With You doing all the hard work - the planning, the peddling and even the navigation of the bumps in the road, what do you want me to do?" His answer? He wanted me to talk to Him. He wanted to get to know my heart more, and to listen. He just wanted me to work on our friendship. So, I've been doing that.
Here are some things I've learned...
He knows the best ways to go. When I let Him drive, even without any input from me, we get to the best spots. And we seem to get there with very little interference. The roadway is smoother, the weather is nicer and the path more straight.
He doesn't mind peddling. He is tireless. He's always ready to get us moving, and seems to be quite happy to put the power into our ride each and every day.
He enjoys being with me. I can't explain it, but I can just tell. He seems to love it. And, I admit, I can't always put into words the "why," but I love it too.
I am free to enjoy the ride. A lot of what we talk about these days is the journey itself. Where we're going, what it will be like when we get there, and specifics of the timeline have become less important parts of our conversation. I like to talk about the view from the road, the amazing sunsets we get to watch and the fragrances of flowers in the air. Again, I can't quite put words to it, but He seems delighted to share with me in simply appreciating the journey He's plotted. And I find that the more time I spend looking around and soaking up the specific moments on the path, the more I enjoy them.
Today is very different from those early days. Back then, I felt I was on a biking mission, and just so happened to have a tag-along I tolerated on the back seat. Today, it feels like His bike, and I am grateful that the trip is almost always in His hands. Some days, I admit, habit and fear get the best of me, and I try to wake up early and sneak out to steal thes pot in the front seat. When I do that, He just climbs on back and pats me encouragingly from behind. He never seems offended; it's amazing. What invariably happens is that it doesn't take long for me to ram us straight into our first road-block. A downed tree, a dead end, or a place where the road simply becomes impassable. I am so thankful that, most days, I finally "get it" at this point and I invite Him to sit in front again. He's so patient. And I am always happier in the backseat.
Sometimes, as I am learning to settle into the sweet spot of the seat I once thought was the lesser of the two, I just soak in the beauty of our ride together. It really is lovely. And the Lord is so kind. He always leans far enough back in the seat that I can reach Him. I find that knowing I can always reach Him brings me peace. Some days prove to be harder than others - feelings come up I didn't realize I had. Some days are just filled with overwhelming gratitude and joy. But whichever tidal wave of emotion comes my way, I like to just lean forward and lay my head across His shoulders. It's a safe and sweet place to be. His steering is just as steady; he doesn't even slow down in His tireless peddling. He isn't burdened by the weight of my worries at all. It's amazing.
And you know the most amazing part? When I lean on Him, I feel His love. And His love is palpable, powerful, tangible and real. And, in those moments, no matter what has weighed me down just minutes before, I feel free. I feel alive and alert and whole in a way I never dreamed was possible before. Before Him. My, my... what did I do before Him? How did I ever survive?
You know, as I ask that, it's a little funny to me, but I almost wonder if there ever was a life before Him? I mean, I know He wasn't always on my bike, but He has been with me forever. Somehow I know that.
What matters most for me today is that He is here now. And I know He's never going away. This decades-long lesson of learning to ride His bike hasn't been easy, and I know I still throw a lot of sticks into the spokes... but it has been more worth it than I could ever put to words. I have a place I am going now, and I have a good way to get there. I'm not usually sure of a lot of the particulars, but I have no need to worry. He has it all figured out. And I am resting on His back, letting Him drive.
Thank You, Lord, for letting me tag along!
I started out by simply allowing Him to sit on the back seat of the bike. I had this bike, and for some unknown reason, it did seem to have an empty seat. And I kept hearing about how much He wanted to tag along. So, I let Him. Sort of.
I still struggled to hold onto my map while also steering and peddling. Rushing through the paths and roadways of life, sometimes it was very difficult to see which turn to take - let alone to keep that darn bike moving. Every now and then, on a particularly hard day, I'd lean back just far enough to give the silent signal that I needed some help. At first, all I was comfortable with was letting Him reach up and just put His hand on my shoulder, a little pat on the back. It helped.
Over time, I learned to trust Him more. He is there, each and every day, ready to ride. He seems thoroughly delighted just to be in on the trek. Eventually, I started to share with Him more. I'd talk about the plans I had, the places I was trying to get to, and even the courses I'd been plotting in my head for years. Sometimes, I even asked Him what He thought. For a long time, though, I didn't ever really listen for the answer.
After awhile, the inevitable thing would happen - again and again. I'd hit a dead end. The course I'd plotted would run into a brick wall out of no where. I'd often muster up a new round of courage and just start peddling again. Re-plotting my course. Finally, I started asking Him for input about how to get to my planned destinations. I even started listening to His answers. One day, something inside me shifted, and I had a new thought; I asked Him, for the first time, about where He thought I should be heading. Then, He answered me. And I asked Him how to get there. A lot of the destinations on His list where places I'd never even heard of. I knew I wouldn't be able to find them on my own.
One day, I noticed something else... I was peddling, peddling, peddling - each and every day. And when I got tired, I'd just hop off the bike and sit down. Well, one day, I started to get weary, and rather than stopping the bike, I just lifted up my feet for a moment. What I had been afraid to hope for happened: the bike kept moving. God was peddling. We moved faster than ever. And, although I don't know how He does it, He never seems to get tired. In fact, the less I peddled, and the more I let Him do the peddling, the better I felt, and the more pleased He seemed. And I know He has a special version of the map, because we ran into fewer and fewer dead ends.
In more recent years, I've had a new revelation in my bike ride. One day, as we got up and started to mount the bike, I did something I'd never done before. I climbed onto the back seat. He looked at me and smiled. I nodded. "Yeah," I said in acknowledgment of the decision I was making. "Please, get on." He sat in His rightful seat for the first time.
I'd be lying if I said this was an easy transition for me. It's scary in the backseat. I can't see where we're going much of the time, and I am constantly challenged to just trust Him. He is still doing most of the peddling, and almost all the navigating (although I do pipe in from time to time to make some suggestions!). I still give input on destinations sometimes, but I've found I'm getting more and more comfortable just letting Him decide.
With all these changes, I asked Him one day, "With You doing all the hard work - the planning, the peddling and even the navigation of the bumps in the road, what do you want me to do?" His answer? He wanted me to talk to Him. He wanted to get to know my heart more, and to listen. He just wanted me to work on our friendship. So, I've been doing that.
Here are some things I've learned...
He knows the best ways to go. When I let Him drive, even without any input from me, we get to the best spots. And we seem to get there with very little interference. The roadway is smoother, the weather is nicer and the path more straight.
He doesn't mind peddling. He is tireless. He's always ready to get us moving, and seems to be quite happy to put the power into our ride each and every day.
He enjoys being with me. I can't explain it, but I can just tell. He seems to love it. And, I admit, I can't always put into words the "why," but I love it too.
I am free to enjoy the ride. A lot of what we talk about these days is the journey itself. Where we're going, what it will be like when we get there, and specifics of the timeline have become less important parts of our conversation. I like to talk about the view from the road, the amazing sunsets we get to watch and the fragrances of flowers in the air. Again, I can't quite put words to it, but He seems delighted to share with me in simply appreciating the journey He's plotted. And I find that the more time I spend looking around and soaking up the specific moments on the path, the more I enjoy them.
Today is very different from those early days. Back then, I felt I was on a biking mission, and just so happened to have a tag-along I tolerated on the back seat. Today, it feels like His bike, and I am grateful that the trip is almost always in His hands. Some days, I admit, habit and fear get the best of me, and I try to wake up early and sneak out to steal thes pot in the front seat. When I do that, He just climbs on back and pats me encouragingly from behind. He never seems offended; it's amazing. What invariably happens is that it doesn't take long for me to ram us straight into our first road-block. A downed tree, a dead end, or a place where the road simply becomes impassable. I am so thankful that, most days, I finally "get it" at this point and I invite Him to sit in front again. He's so patient. And I am always happier in the backseat.
Sometimes, as I am learning to settle into the sweet spot of the seat I once thought was the lesser of the two, I just soak in the beauty of our ride together. It really is lovely. And the Lord is so kind. He always leans far enough back in the seat that I can reach Him. I find that knowing I can always reach Him brings me peace. Some days prove to be harder than others - feelings come up I didn't realize I had. Some days are just filled with overwhelming gratitude and joy. But whichever tidal wave of emotion comes my way, I like to just lean forward and lay my head across His shoulders. It's a safe and sweet place to be. His steering is just as steady; he doesn't even slow down in His tireless peddling. He isn't burdened by the weight of my worries at all. It's amazing.
And you know the most amazing part? When I lean on Him, I feel His love. And His love is palpable, powerful, tangible and real. And, in those moments, no matter what has weighed me down just minutes before, I feel free. I feel alive and alert and whole in a way I never dreamed was possible before. Before Him. My, my... what did I do before Him? How did I ever survive?
You know, as I ask that, it's a little funny to me, but I almost wonder if there ever was a life before Him? I mean, I know He wasn't always on my bike, but He has been with me forever. Somehow I know that.
What matters most for me today is that He is here now. And I know He's never going away. This decades-long lesson of learning to ride His bike hasn't been easy, and I know I still throw a lot of sticks into the spokes... but it has been more worth it than I could ever put to words. I have a place I am going now, and I have a good way to get there. I'm not usually sure of a lot of the particulars, but I have no need to worry. He has it all figured out. And I am resting on His back, letting Him drive.
Thank You, Lord, for letting me tag along!
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