Abandoned to Believing

I'm putting forth a challenge for myself. I'm choosing to believe God without wavering, and to believe Him with abandon. Sounds a little dramatic (at least to me), but I think it's the thing I need to do the most.

I am reminding myself (with anyone who's reading this as a witness) that I CAN truly choose to believe God without wavering. I may not always feel trusting, and feel like I'm grounded in consistent belief, but what I can control is my choices. And my thoughts are choices - every single one of them. And I can either let my passing feelings lead my thoughts, or I can let my thoughts lead my feelings. Because, I believe that either one, one gets to lead. And I think that I have a choice about which I put in the front seat.

I've had such a hard time over the years with the idea of the renewing of my mind... not because I didn't think I needed it or because I didn't want renewal. I just didn't know how to let it happen. I tend to try too hard. In general, that's a wholly true statement about my life. I definitely tend to try too hard... and this area has been no exception. I have tried SO hard to renew my mind. Hopefully you immediately recognize the problem with this approach. I was trying to do it on my own.

Eventually, I figured out that I needed to let God to do the work. I learned that the thing that was on my list of things to do was simply to get out of the way. I admit freely, though, that even that is sometimes very hard for me. Quite simply, I often just don't know how to get out of the way. I'd lived out the habitual pattern of self-propulsion and self-sufficiency for so long...I just really didn't know another way.

For me, with the merciful (and constant) help of Jesus, I have gotten better...but what I have learned is that I have choices that add up. I think I was expecting to get to a certain day when everything would flip over in my head, and then suddenly "everything" would be different.

I absolutely believe that, sometimes, God decides He wants a certain thing to transform overnight, and even in my own life, I absolutely have had overnight transformations. At the same time, somethings are a slower road. And some slow roads require my daily, slow participation. For me, the journey of belief has been a slower road. And I'm learning, one day at a time, that my part is to take captive my thoughts. My feelings are tied in, but my thoughts are the part I can control, and I choose daily to let them drive.

This may not impact any of you much, but I needed the reminder. Thanks for sitting in.

Prayers

I heard on the radio today a letter someone had written about those devastated last year by the earthquake in China. The letter's writer ended it with "I send my warm thoughts to the families affected." It got me thinking...

Warm thoughts? Really? What does that mean? Well, I should rephrase. Obviously, the writer of the letter was motivated from a good place, and wanted to express kindness toward these families. That is, inarguably, a good thing. But what do the warm thoughts actually do? Nothing. I think they do nothing. The realization in that moment made me so grateful to be a Christian.

Through Christ's work on the cross, I have the ability to pray directly to the Holy One, the Mighty One. I am speaking to Him, and I can intercede on behalf of those to whom my heart goes out and actually help accomplish something!

"...the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" James 5:16 (NIV).

I do not mean to disparage the letter writer and her warm thoughts. I was just struck in the moment by the gift and honor we're given. When my heart aches for the millions of victims in China, or the countless others facing injustices and hardships in this world, I can do something. And I can do something that does not only make me feel better, but also actually has power and effect through God's hand. When I remember this, I am spurred onto more prayer and grateful for the authority in prayer He's given! Lord, teach me how to help in the blessings and restoration You're already doing! Show me how to pray; Thy will be done!

A Pilgrim

Well, I'm gonna start this off in a way that half makes me cringe and half makes me life... it's old school 7th grade essay style:

Pilgrim: (noun)
1. a person who journeys, esp. a long distance, to some sacred place as an act of religious devotion: pilgrims to the Holy Land.
2. a traveler or wanderer, esp. in a foreign place.
3. an original settler in a region.

And why am I talking about pilgrims? Thinking of Thanksgiving? Um, no. :) Here's a verse that, over the past couple years, has been near and dear to my heart. And it got me thinking:

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage" Psalm 84:5 (NIV).

The context of this particular verse doesn't give me any amazing new insights at the present moment, but what I have always found heartening about it is the reminder that not only is life with Christ about a journey, a pilgrimage.... and that, as I am a pilgrim, set on the journey He's plotting out for me, I can let my strength be in Him. I suspect I'll never tire of that reminder.

I am a traveler, and from this vantage point, the journey certainly seems long. I am a wanderer in a foreign place...absolutely. And it is in His strength that I can wander, and keep my heart set on the pilgrimage. And that brings blessing. What a wonderful way!

Perspective & a Sense of Urgency

I have learned something about myself over the years: when I am feeling like finding the answers and/or solution to a certain problem feels urgent, I am generally not in a place of trust or surrender. Granted, there are, of course, normal everyday life situations that come along and require an immediate response, but I am talking about bigger stuff here.

What path should I take with my career? Should I marry this person? Are we ready for another baby? What is it that feels "off" in my friendship with so-and-so? What is it Jesus is trying to teach me right now? What is it that is bothering me so much lately? Or in this situation?

These are examples of questions that, in my opinion, don't necessitate an "immediate" answer, and when I find myself looking at questions such as these, and am also fueled with a sense of urgent "I absolutely must figure this out right now!"-ness, I have a pretty good clue that I need to slow down and hand some things over to the Big Man.

I have this mental thing I do. I remind myself, "That's on His list." By that, I mean His "to do" list. I seem to find myself easily confused about which things, in the universe, are on my list of things to do and which things are on His. When I stop and consider this very simple question, it often helps me gain a more proper perspective. Deciding what to wear this morning? My list. Understanding how to heal a rift in my family? His list. Yes, once He reveals His answer, I may have footwork to do, but the "figuring out" is NOT on my list. Seeking, doing...yes, my list stuff. Crafting, visioning, creating...His stuff. Sometimes it's as easy as checking my verb. :)

I also find that my sense of urgency is often (always?) prompted out of a desire to get out of whatever uncomfortable spot I find myself in. This is usually an emotional discomfort that, for me, is sometimes excruciating! I realize that the more "urgent" things seem for me, the less likely it is that my urgency is really about the real situation. Is it urgent that I figure out, RIGHT NOW, what I want to do with the rest of my life? Um, no, not really. Is it imperative that it happen today that I heal the rift in my relationship with an old friend? Um, probably not. So, I have to remember: God's sense of timing strikes many a human heart as a little off, or perhaps, sometimes, a little slow (although I know I'm not the only one who's found Him to be a little fast as well!). What's true however is that His timing is perfect. His vantage point is better. His understanding is better. And His ways are always better.

Yield to Him. Find haven in Him for the discomfort that may be real in your situation; your feelings may be 100% valid, but that doesn't mean they have to drive the boat. I'll say it again. Yield to Him. He's the Prince of Peace. That's no coincidence. Let Him have stewardship over your ways, and He will get you there right on time.

Unknown Things

I had lunch with a friend today, and we were discussing some of the more challenging areas in our lives at present. We both noticed the same thing in one another as we continued talking. We had both said "I don't understand..." quite a lot. Between the two of us, it seemed to be the basic summary of each of our topics. We just didn't understand certain things about them. And depending on the situation or the particular unanswered question, these unknowns were creating within us feelings of pain, anxiety, discomfort or confusion.

As we identified this in our conversations, we started talking about recent teachings we'd both heard about Proverbs 3:5-6:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (NIV).

In my experience, it's natural to want to understand the situations in our lives. The whys and hows and sometimes even the whats that are sometimes hard to find can help us piece together the realities of our lives, and I know that, for myself, understanding more of a certain something can help me to grow in wisdom, in maturity and in other ways. However, there are other times when I pray and I seek and I dig deep and I still have no answers.

I feel fairly sure that the reason we long to know and to understand so many of the situations in our lives - even when answers do not come - is precisely rooted in something that these verses in Proverbs are pointed against. I want to understand. Believe me, at times, I really, really, really want to understand. And why might that be? Well, it's because I'd like to lean on my own understanding!

There are times in my life when, even though I understood exactly why or how something needed to be a certain way, stepping forward into that part of my life was hard, and it took gobs of faith in His providence, His goodness and His mercy. That seems to be one of the essential elements of this fallen world: parts of it are just painful in and of themselves. That's (earthly) life.

On the other hand, there are other situations which force me to admit that at least having some sort of understanding helps. It's a little way I can close some of the gap over which I get to jump on my leap of faith. I presume we can all think of times in our lives when we've stepped out in faith, unsure of what was coming next, precisely because we understood what was happening in the big picture. But how much harder is it, my friends, to step forward or even leap forward while having absolutely no real understanding of the rest of the picture? Oh how much more faith it takes to just go and obey, even though we don't understand at all!

I'm reminded again of one of my favorite verses, one I know I've written about here:

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going" Hebrews 11:8 (NIV).

Abraham obeyed and went. Abraham left Lot. Abraham wandered far. Abraham took his son, his heir, the subject of the promises He'd been given and walked him to the altar. I think it's a reasonable guess to say that, at least sometimes, he didn't understand. In fact, as I look through Hebrews 11, a chapter often called "The Halls of Faith," I am struck by how few of these heroes of the faith were likely to have understood much if anything about what God was calling them to do. But they did. They believed. They obeyed. They went. And later, they received these sacred places as their inheritances, metaphorical and physical.

I am going to be listening to myself...when I talk, when I write, and when I pray. I will be listening for the phrase, "I don't understand..." and I will be challenging myself to use those areas of life as a jumping off place for greater faith, greater trust and greater belief. And I believe He will reveal great inheritances from it. Thank You, Lord, for being who You are! You are great and holy and wise! I declare praise for Your holy name!

My Banner

Ann Spangler has written a wonderful daily reader called Praying the Names of God. In it, she writes about the many ways in which God is named in the Bible, and then expands on their meanings and what it can mean for us. One of my favorite names for God was one I learned while reading this book: Yahweh Nissi.

This means "The Lord is My Banner." It shows up only once, in Exodus 17:15, but it's one I love. There are many wonderful meditations about what this means, but for me, the way in which I primarily think of it is as a simple declaration. If you're a regular reader, you've figured out by now that I like to visualize things out of the Bible - it helps brings certain things really home to my heart. And this is another one. I imagine myself with a large, banner arcing overhead. The words and language on the banner aren't clear (or important) in my imagining. I suppose it probably says something like, "His." Plain and simple. The point is that it is an arc overhead, a protection in its very declaration. The Lord is my banner. The Lord is the Lord of my life. I am His, and each time the enemy passes by me, he cannot help by see that I belong to the God of all. Now, perhaps on some days that is simple fuel for Satan's fire; I do not know. What I do know is that, when I remember that, I find it easier to trust. And I can stand under the banner and know that there is power in even His name. He is a banner over me, and in Him, I stand confident.

Lord, I praise Your Holy name! Thank You for standing over me and for the privilege of declaring Your name over my life! Hallelujah, Lord! You are holy and wonderful, indeed!

Storytime

It's much later in the day than when I usually write my daily blog post. I have been waiting - all day - for some inspiration on a topic. But God is good, and late though it may be according to my schedule, God is always right on time.

Okay, that I am going to say one more time: God is always right on time.

Yes, friends, God is always right on time...

What I want to share today is a quick story. I had a friend a few years back who talked all the time about the conversations she had had with Jesus. She's day, "I was asking Jesus about this or that, and then He said blah blah blah back to me..." I'm pretty sure Jesus is far more articulate than "blah blah blah," but you get the idea. I realized, in time, that I was jealous. Jealous of her relationship, jealous of these seemingly constant conversations. So, I prayed about it.

"Lord," I prayed, "I wish I could have a relationship with you like that." And you want to know what His answer was? It makes me smile as I remember it not; God is often far more economical with His language than I seem to ever be. "You can," He said. Oh. Ohhhh.

So I started talking to God. I started talking in a way that was different than the ways I'd ever talked before. The difference, the real difference was that I expected Him to meet me there. And He did. And He does. Not always in the ways I think He will, and not always with the clear plainness of "blah blah blah." But, honestly and truly, He talks to me as much as I'll listen.

That's my story, and I am pretty sure He told me to share it with you. Goodnight, friends. It's time for me to get back to a talk I am having with an old Friend. Love to all.