Taking Captive my Thoughts

So, I'm learning something new these days: I am not generally a fan of being disciplined.

I'd rather stay up late talking or watching a movie than sensibly going to bed early, knowing the 6am alarm will come soon. I'd rather eat junk food than take care of my body. I'd rather spend money freely on everything I want than tell myself no. And, ultimately, that's what it boils down to: telling myself "no."

The Bible tells us that one characteristic of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control (Galatians 5:23). And, thankfully, I do exercise self control and discipline in areas of my life - otherwise, I'd have huge amounts of debt, an ever growing pant size and big dark circles under my eyes every day (instead of just some days!). Still, whether I do it or not, I don't really "enjoy" it.

Another area of my life where the theme of "discipline" has emerged is in my thought life. I had a friend once who talked about her trouble with fantasizing. Now, please don't misunderstand. Her fantasies weren't sexual or criminal or anything most of us would consider harmful in any way. But, she'd sit home at night and fantasize about what she could have done that day, if only she hadn't been working. She'd sit up late and night and read, and then spend her spare thoughts fantasizing about what could happen in her life - inspired by the lives of those in her books. I don't know all the details, but as she described it to me, I remember thinking it was very insightful for her to have identified this area as something she wanted to change in herself.

Years later, I am reminded of her sharing about this as I think about my own thoughts. The Bible is pretty clear that things in our lives that lead to sin are to be avoided. Jesus even said that parts of our body ought to be excised if they lead to sin (see Mark 9 & Matthew 18). Lust is also repeatedly warned against by many wise writers of the Bible as well as Jesus Himself (see Matthew 5:28).

I think it's fair to say that lust isn't an overt action. I don't mean to say it isn't an action; if we have an active part in it - either beginning the thought process, or failing to halt it, it's an action (in my book, inaction in a needed area is the same as action on its face). But what about the areas of our lives where the object of our "lust" isn't something we normally think of in those terms? What if the 'thing' I'm lusting after is an afternoon free in the sunshine, although as I dream of it, I'm sitting at my desk at work with a mountain of spreadsheets before me? What if the object of my desire, the thing about which I'm fantasizing is a mother-in-law that is nicer to me or better behaved children that never cry and always obey?

I suppose there's always room for reasonableness here. I mean, truly, for a challenged daughter-in-law, for example. There is a productive undertaking of acknowledging what isn't right in her relationship with her in-laws, and then imagining ways in which she can actively work to make it better. I think that's healthy, and Biblical. Blessed are the peacemakers, right? And, of course, wisdom and wise-action require forethought much of the time.

However, if I were to sit around passing significant portions of my time imagining my mother-in-law calling me to apologize for being such a bear all these years, that would be different. (I might add that I feel safe using this example, because I don't have a mother-in-law! As someone unmarried, I get to call on the old stereo-type for the sake of example!).

I hope I've explained my point well enough. It's just that what I'm realizing is that the time inside my head is as valuable as my time in everyday life. It's a valuable resource - like money, or energy or other concepts of time. There is only a limited amount. And the more energy I give inside my mind to unproductive uses of its energy, the more of it I believe I've wasted.

Furthermore, when I "spend" my thought-life this way, I must very much so take heed the warnings that I believe are what the Word conveys.

Matthew 6:21 says that, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be" (NIV). The way I understand this is that when I put my resources toward something, it gains more ground in my heart. So, if I put my thought-resources toward dissatisfaction with my job, my mother-in-law or a fantasy life that may not be in the plans for me, I sink my heart more and more into union with that thing. Likewise, if I invest my thoughts in the pursuit of anything unholy, whether it be money, accolades of the world, sex (outside of marriage) or a glamorous "new life," I tie my heart more and more to those things... and I think that's the intentional next-step of the warnings of Jesus: if I let my heart lead me down a path, I am more likely to walk right down that path.

I may have belabored this point, and I apologize if that's your experience of this today. I think the road from "thoughts" to "actions" - any of which might be displeasing to God - is just coming to me more clearly these days. It's helping me to understand the vital role that self-discipline in my thought-life plays, and why we, as believers, are right to so encourage each other to "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5b (NIV).