I want to desire what God wants for me - above all else. As I heard in a song that captured my heart years ago, I have always wanted to "learn to love the dreams that He has dreamed for me." So, I pray.
And God has been incredibly faithful, and has taught me and transformed me more than I could have ever hoped or imagined. He's so good like that, isn't He?
I am hesitant as I begin this post today; I know what I want to write, but I am not sure how to say it. There's a story I want to tell, but one that seems hard to articulate. So, Lord, help me please! Let it be for Your glory!
I've written quite a lot about some of the promises that the Lord has made in my life; these are promises specific to me and my own future, His plans for me and my life. He reveals more as time passes, but there are certain things He's already laid out for me. See, He knows I need time to get used to certain ideas. And all along, I have prayed for His ideas to capture my heart. As I said, I pray for Him to make His desires those that become my own.
The other night, I was writing down a prayer request for a group of praying friends. As I was writing, I had in the back of my mind a particular thing that I've been praying about and hoping for. I have felt like God has given His nod of approval to this particular request, and, in fact, its origin was with Him and a dream He gave me.
Throughout my life, however, I have fought this incorrect idea that the things I want and the things that God wants for me must be in some sort of conflict. Somehow, I grew up with the idea that doing and wanting God's will meant sacrifice, having less than and some sort of base level suffering. And, yes, sometimes, I believe this is the case. But not always. And the Bible is FULL of reassurances that He desires good things for us, good things for me...
So, anyway, as I was writing my prayer request, the thought flashed in my mind that I might request prayer that lined up with the things I've been desiring. Then I thought, "No, I should pray for God's will to be breathed into this situation, not my own." Then, all the sudden, I started to write, and I wrote an earnest and heartfelt request for God's will and God's purposes and plans. BUT, as I was writing, I felt such a well of joy in my heart; it was if I heard God whispering to me and saying, "What I want is what you want!" I have prayed for God's will over my own many, many times...but I am not sure I have ever prayed for His will in joy that overflowed from knowing that my will really was in alignment with His.
For me, this is just a new level of faith. I can pray for His will until the cows come home, but praying for His desires and His plans when my heart is rooted in a place of trusting that HIS way is the same as the way He's promised my heart it will be...well, that's different. It's saying, "I believe this is Your way, because You told me. And I believe it through and through. I believe it enough to ask for Your will without one tiny vestige of "instead of my will" in my heart, because Your will and mine are aligned."
This is one of those things that I'm not sure I can communicate well without pages and pages of exposition. So, I hope it has come through. He is faithful. He changes hearts. He changes desires. He brings hope where there was none. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Today, I am certain. He is who He says He is; He does what He says He'll do. And sometimes, He even gives us details about what and when. Our job is just to believe Him, and to believe Him enough to pray for it to come to pass just like He's said it is!
I love You, Lord! May the desires of my heart always be those patterned after You!
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