The Grief of Sin

I have recently had a new experience I wanted to share here. I am coming to understand it as some important growth in my on walk with the Lord.

After identifying and acknowledging some recent areas of rebellion and sin, I found myself truly overcome with sadness and sorrow. There were expected (at least with me!) accompanying tears, pangs of deep ache and a sense of true anguish...and don't get me wrong; I know those are dramatic words. But the emotions were dramatic!

I wasn't sure how exactly to understand this at first. In the midst of these times, I was also actively and fervently seeking the Lord and praying for His forgiveness and peace to be with me. I worried that I was falling prey to an enemy trap to feel bad about myself or falling into self-judgement, but when I examined my heart, I didn't find shame or condemnation. Instead, what I realized, was that I had discovered a grief of sorts. I was lamenting and grieving my own sin. I believe the Lord's grace has led me to a new level of understanding and wisdom in the area of repentance. I felt truly saddened by the reality of my own fallen condition.

These times didn't last particularly long, nor have they lingered (and that lingering, for me, would have been an important signal that "something else" was going on). They were simply a part of my experience of repenting (or, more simply put, turning away from my sin) and asking for forgiveness from my Father.

A conversation with a friend prompted me to wonder about the Biblical foundation (or potential lack thereof) for such an experience. I quickly was reminded of many of David's penitent Psalms, and the Lamentations themselves. The word is truly plentiful with examples of faithful servants approaching God with not only apology, but sincere sadness for their transgression.

As it stands today, I don't have such an intense experience "every" time I find new places of sin in my life; I just understand that to be part of life. Some things are one way, and some things aren't. The mysteries of that balance are in His hands. I am, however, grateful to be feeling (and then releasing!) true sorrow for hurting the Father's heart. I am beyond grateful for His grace and forgiveness, always available to me.