My Plan the Idol

I found myself getting really frustrated with God recently, and I knew this had to be pointing to some sort of rebellion in me. And really, it's not like it's that subtle of an issue to ferret out. When I'm unhappy with the way God is doing something, it means my heart is not submitted to His ways of doing...well, everything.

In my particular example, I've been really frustrated with the timing on a particular issue. And I know I'm not the only one who has issues like this come up regularly. And I can come up with a million rationalizations or excuses ("Well, so-and-so has been really busy" or "Oh the wheels of corporate America run slowly", etc), but the bottom line is that God is in charge of ALL timing...decisions of family, schedules of friends and even the wheels of corporate America. And so, my beef was with God.

I came quickly to a realization that I needed to get that rebellious attitude in check immediate, and thankfully He is gracious to help me do just that. As I started looking deeper at this issue, however, I realized that my frustration was rooted in a sense that my plans were being foiled again and again - by God. No wonder I was angry! I was viewing God as my opponent - and He is a fierce competitor!!

I realized that my "plan" had become my idol. I had put so much faith and energy into it; I had hung my hopes on it. And each time the mental milestones had been bypassed or missed or routed entirely, my own human nature would just work to create a new, revised version of "the plan." This planning happens almost automatically and unconsciously for me; it is so much a part of my own personal nature. And each time I had to revamp the plan, I got frustrated. I might as well have been calling out to the heavens, "Hey! I'm working on something here! Do you mind?!?!"

It's a wonder it took me so long to hear what I think God as (essentially) been calling back down to me, which is: "Hey, I'm working on something here! Do you mind?"

Until He decides to take next steps, I am going to be getting a lot of practice surrendering this one. Each time I start walking through the plan, mentally working on contingencies (which I do a lot!), I'm going to have to stop and cast this one down again. Thanks for being with me on the journey!