It's Not About Me

So, as many of you know, I've been writing a lot lately about waiting on God. And, as is always the case, the things I'm writing about a lot are the things I'm also thinking and praying about a lot. A lot. A loooot.

:)

And recently, I had yet another of revelation. I have to admit that I pause before I write this. This "revelation" I'm about to share about seems so elementary in hindsight. But, really, in all-sight, I am so elementary. So I guess it is what it is!

I was recently praying about and reflecting upon my understandings of the ways in which I've made my own best plans an idol. I had been relying upon them so heavily and trusting in them. I had taken (initial) direction from the Lord and plowed ahead without much surrender to His ways on the daily path to His appointed destination.

And what I recognize now as a natural by-product of that approach to life has been an under-the-surface, but persistent certainty that the reason things weren't going the way I thought they should was because I was somehow inadequate.

Many times, I've had to recognize a belief that something God wasn't doing was NOT because God was waiting for me to "get it right" before He'd love or bless me. Now, don't get me wrong; I do believe that persistent sin can stand in the way of persistent blessing. However, it is contrary to the Word and nature of God to believe that He punishes me for my inadvertent human failings.

This lately realization, however, wasn't focused on my actions. I wasn't thinking that because I'd done something "wrong," God was withholding His hand. Rather, I realized that my not-quite-articulated internal belief was that God was doing something to me (and yes, I use the phrase "to me" intentionally) because I, in the very essence of my being, was not good enough. I was believing a lie (straight from the pit!) that because I was not "good enough" (and yes, for me, that lie is always just some vague reference to general shortcoming), God wasn't going to take care of me.

Ick.

Like I said, a lie straight from the pit. God's word is FULL of affirmation that He loves us in spite of our fallen state, and in fact, nearly every act chronicled in the Bible centers on His action-packed pursuit of a loving relationship with us, despite our fallen, messed up, imperfect state. He loves me. And just as I love others, I would not withhold my help from them simply because I am repelled by their imperfection. And God does not treat me or you this way either.

I was grateful for the reminder. He came so that I might have life, and have it in abundance. No holds barred. The only caveat is that I commit my heart to Him, surrender to His ways and believing Him fully - day by imperfect day!