In Need

I want to start this post by making clear one thing absolutely: I mess up a lot. I have a stubborn tendency toward self-absorption, a unconscious penchant for controlling behavior and a sometimes difficulty in even identifying what is going on in the midst of my own moods. I work hard at letting Jesus do His healing work inside me, and He has brought me a long way. And, truth be told, I have a long way to go.

Even so, from time to time, someone will comment on my attitude toward Jesus, and my dependency on God. Usually, they're praising me. And although I appreciate their sentiment, and am also grateful for and proud of the work Jesus has done in my heart (the evidence of which, His handiwork, being what is actually being praised), I always like to explain how I got to where I am today.

"It's not glamorous," I usually say.

I was just utterly convinced, given the way my life looked, and given the way I felt inside, that I needed Him. I started knowing only that I needed something. I was so miserably unhappy, and I felt so broken all the time. As my heart softened toward Him, I started to learn what He was really about, and I started to learn what and who He wanted to be and do in my life. And, although I couldn't have articulated it at the time, I absolutely knew I needed nothing more.

So, for me (and I suspect, for all of us), my submitted and adoring heart is born out of a true conviction of my need for a Savior. I think I learned some of my lessons the hard way; I can be pretty thick-headed. But thankfully no longer takes much pain or anxiety or discomfort for me to realize that my problem is about a need for Him. He is the only one that fulfills; He is the ONLY one that heals. For me, He is the Only One. And I am so grateful I found Him, so grateful I need Him. He is the One. The One and Only....