Every Word

I know it hasn't been long since I last wrote about this topic, but it's current for me today... God is speaking conviction into my heart. Tonight I decided; I surrender every word.

"Talk no more so very proudly; let not arrogance go forth from your mouth, for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by Him actions are weighed" 1 Sam 2:3 (AMP).

All in all, I think I do a "pretty good" job with the way in which I use my mouth. In all honesty, I think about being set apart, and I think that, on the whole, I hold myself to a higher standard than the average person...so, that's good enough, right?

For me, tonight, the answer is, "wrong."

Aren't we grateful that Jesus didn't hold himself the standard of "better than average"? Lord, thank You that you love us perfectly not "better than most." God is faithful and unfailing, and I personally haven't seen much in the Bible about living in obedience "better than most people do." *sigh* So, okay... here's my story.

Today, someone I work with neglected to do something that is not only clearly this person's job, but also is something they said they'd done. However, they had not. This left me in the position of getting to deliver some not-great news to several people. I wasn't happy about it. And I had a fleeting moment in which the Spirit allowed for me to have enough self-control to actually make a decision about how I'd respond. Now, just to be clear, I was already done "handling" the outward situation. I'd kept my cool and stayed professional in front of those affected. Afterward, however, I walked over to a friend's office, closed the door and had what can only be described as a hissy fit. I did. I'm not really proud of it, but it is what I did. (Thank God that He has the power to transform us minute by minute!)

You know, truthfully, I don't think there's anything wrong with venting; at least for me, this is sometimes a healthy way to blow off steam. For me, however, that isn't what I was doing today. Today, I was simply indulging in my desire to have a little mini fit about it. So I did. And "most people" would say I was completely justified, and I'm pretty sure that the eyes of the world would have deemed me quite justified in going much farther in my reaction. Trouble is, it's not the eyes of the world in which I want to be deemed pleasing. There is a whole host of witnesses. I am saddened to think about what they saw.

For me, today, the issue wasn't about anger or patience or kindness or any thing of the sort. The core "thing" for me today was simply about permissiveness. In a split second, I essentially decided that I do "well enough" on this whole self-control and use of the mouth thing, and so that I was giving myself exemption from His standard - at least for 10 or 15 minutes. Ouch. That hurts even just to retell it.

So, anyway, here's what I've decided. He gets every word. Every word. Now, I may not restrain my tongue perfectly from this moment onward, but I WILL be praying for His help in this transformation, and I absolutely believe Him for His ability. Shoot, He breathed the world into being; I'm pretty sure He can teach me to shut my mouth.

Two final points: both of these are, I think, essential to the real meat of this issue.

1) By deciding to exempt myself from His standard I am taking an incredibly arrogant position. Even when it's only for a second, and even when I can do exactly what I did today and still, in the eyes of my secular co-workers, look to be more "Christlike" than maybe some other folks. Maybe especially then. I didn't yell. I didn't spew profanity. I didn't curse my co-worker or anything of the sort. But I didn't honor God either. For a concise summary of what's wrong with this picture, see the scripture referenced above.

2) This is a point that has been all over my devotionals and personal reading lately; I'm pretty sure God is trying to make a point with me. The Holy of Holies is unlikely to empower my mouth with much influence for His kingdom if I am unwilling to wholly surrender it and its words to His standards. Plain & simple.

I get up each day and, in my prayers, basically ask God to help me do what He is doing today. I ask to be used for His purposes, and to have His will be done and His kingdom done in and through me. It's a pretty tough prayer for Him to fully answer if I step in and exempt myself from His ways on an issue-by-issue basis, huh? It's not the standards of my coworkers I'd like to live up to; it's not your standards I'd like to live up to either. It's His. They're the only ones that matter.

Lord, help me. Do in me that which I cannot do for myself. Transform my mind and teach me in Your ways. Thank You, Father, for Your faithful love and mercy. I love You, Lord! Help me bless You in my ways and in my words - every one!