Abandoned to Believing

I'm putting forth a challenge for myself. I'm choosing to believe God without wavering, and to believe Him with abandon. Sounds a little dramatic (at least to me), but I think it's the thing I need to do the most.

I am reminding myself (with anyone who's reading this as a witness) that I CAN truly choose to believe God without wavering. I may not always feel trusting, and feel like I'm grounded in consistent belief, but what I can control is my choices. And my thoughts are choices - every single one of them. And I can either let my passing feelings lead my thoughts, or I can let my thoughts lead my feelings. Because, I believe that either one, one gets to lead. And I think that I have a choice about which I put in the front seat.

I've had such a hard time over the years with the idea of the renewing of my mind... not because I didn't think I needed it or because I didn't want renewal. I just didn't know how to let it happen. I tend to try too hard. In general, that's a wholly true statement about my life. I definitely tend to try too hard... and this area has been no exception. I have tried SO hard to renew my mind. Hopefully you immediately recognize the problem with this approach. I was trying to do it on my own.

Eventually, I figured out that I needed to let God to do the work. I learned that the thing that was on my list of things to do was simply to get out of the way. I admit freely, though, that even that is sometimes very hard for me. Quite simply, I often just don't know how to get out of the way. I'd lived out the habitual pattern of self-propulsion and self-sufficiency for so long...I just really didn't know another way.

For me, with the merciful (and constant) help of Jesus, I have gotten better...but what I have learned is that I have choices that add up. I think I was expecting to get to a certain day when everything would flip over in my head, and then suddenly "everything" would be different.

I absolutely believe that, sometimes, God decides He wants a certain thing to transform overnight, and even in my own life, I absolutely have had overnight transformations. At the same time, somethings are a slower road. And some slow roads require my daily, slow participation. For me, the journey of belief has been a slower road. And I'm learning, one day at a time, that my part is to take captive my thoughts. My feelings are tied in, but my thoughts are the part I can control, and I choose daily to let them drive.

This may not impact any of you much, but I needed the reminder. Thanks for sitting in.