Resolved to being born again...

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I was thinking about the fact that allowing God to renew me - mind, body, heart & soul - requires a certain amount of commitment & resolve. In the abstract, His renewal and transformation sound like a great plan...but when it comes to walking that out, and making space for His work, I sometimes find myself truly challenged.

What I'm learning is that if I want to surrender results to Him, I also have to surrender the space in which the prep work happens. Sometimes this is space in my day, space in the construction of my life and, almost always, space inside my will & heart.

So, looking back at Romans 12:2, I see a tip: the word "pattern" jumps out at me. I think about the patterns in my thinking and in my behavior, the patterns in my emotional responses and reactions. This verse tells me that, in order to be transformed, I need to stop conforming to these patterns; I need to break out of the mold of my own life. I need to submit my actions to His will, and He does the transformation. That submission (oh, the "s-word!) is the key. And it's in the small, finite, one-at-a-time decisions that I submit. It's not a theory; it's a practice. And yes, I definitely need practice in order to get better at it.

Thankfully, the promised outcome is worth the resolve. One little day at a time!

Follow the Leader

For a variety of reasons, I've been thinking more and more lately about letting God take the lead in new ways in my life. I've been learning and thinking and praying and studying about letting Him lead, and doing life His way. I've been learning about following Jesus. All told, I have a lot to learn, but I've come a few paces in the last few weeks, and I'm grateful. These meditations of my heart led to my inspiration for this writing. It's been awhile since I've been on this blog, and I think that's okay. I suppose it'll be an occasional thing for now. God's leading. I'm just along for the ride.

So, speaking of segues...

I've been thinking of the game "Follow the Leader" lately. Remember that one? Recess, circa 3rd grade? Tons of fun? Yeah, that's the one.

I've got this strange mental picture gelling in my mind... it's a line of children marching around a school yard. One of the kids is wearing a paper crown, and carrying a scepter made from a straw and some yarn. No idea why, but the yarn is clear in my mind's eye.

Anyway, this little boy, he's the leader and the kids trailing behind him, in various states of joviality are following along. Even the song - maybe from a Disney movie? - is playing softly in the background... "We're following the leader, the leader, the leader...We're following the leader, wherever he may go!"

So, I realize this is a delightful story, but what's the point, right?

Well, here's where I'm at with all this. God is encouraging me and teaching me that my life can look a lot more like that playground game than it has been. And I'll tell you what, I'm starting to really like the idea.

First, let's talk about being attentive. Think of kids on the playground, think of them playing this game... what are they focused on? No child in the scene in my head is trying to peer around the other kids to see where the leader is going. The little ones don't stand in line, worrying that the leader isn't taking a good path. They're not scoping out the eventual destination or landing point. They're busy trying to make sure they're doing a good job of following. Where God is going, and the path He's going to take to get there is none of my business, so to speak. He's very gentle with me, and so compassionate toward my human heart, and He gives me all kinds of mile-markers as we go, but the things I tend to get so wrapped up in: "where are You taking me, Lord?" And "Which path are you taking to get there?" really need be none of my concern. I'm learning to really internalize this idea of those kids on the playground. They're just having fun following along. And their attention is on the following.

Some more, um, advanced versions of follow the leader include mimicking the exact mannerisms of the kid at the front of the line. If he kicks to the left in front of the fence, all the kids in line are supposed to the same. If he jumps up and down, and does a little spin at the side of the pavement, we're all supposed to carry on in kind. So, if I'm following my leader, if I'm watching Jesus in the sights of my life, my attention needs to be not only on taking the path He takes, but on walking it the way He walks it. Following a leader is not only about going His way, but doing things the way He does them. Oh friends, there are so many levels to this truth, and God is painting them all over my heart and life right now!

There's one more thing...

Kids involved in the game, how do they seem to you as you imagine them? Sullen? Fearful? Anxious? No, probably not. They're having fun. In fact, the little image God's put on my heart has kids not only having fun, but thrilled to be engaged in the adventure, and (dare I say it?) the challenging excitement of doing things someone else's way! This part of the big picture lesson here is no less important than the first.

He came to give you & I freedom. He died so that you & I could live in freedom. Freedom. The idea of singing and jaunting around the playground of life, worrying only about imitating the next step and not about the when, where, how or which way of life seems pretty free to me. In fact, it seems gloriously released. Released from all the stuff of life, all the heaviness of trying to come up with some plan. He knows the plans He has for us. And it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. I'm not sure many of us could honestly say we don't see that truth play out in our lives again and again - as long as we're looking. And the challenge I feel in my heart is not only to receive the correction and keep my eyes on my own feet, on following the next steps, but also to embrace the adventure of it! To live with excitement and anticipation in the freedom of His good grace and splendid plans for me!

The God who created all isn't wandering aimlessly at a whim about the universe of our lives. He is carefully and masterfully helping orchestrate the most amazing reality you or I could possibly imagine - all because He loves us and delights in us. I see it so clearly as I type this out. His hope is that I, too, would delight in Him...that I would let go of all the earthy garbage I let get in the way of my game, and that I would run free and elated in His playground! He is at the head of the line, and He is going somewhere wonderful! My job is only to come up behind Him and enjoy the game!

Who

There are a lot of important "who" questions in my pursuit of a life loving Jesus, but there's one that really has been speaking to me over the last 24 hours or so: who am I?

I don't mean this in a vague, teen-angst ridden way. I mean it as a question of my identity, my being. There are, of course, a plethora of ideas and teachings and wonderful truths out there about who I am in Christ, and while I value very, very much the impact of those truths in my own life, that's not even my focus today.

My focus is on the things that make me different from others, the features of my personality and my being that God put in place just for me, and the ways in which He designed me and created me. I'm talking about the things that make me me.

In a devotional shared with me last night, one of the ideas raised was the idea of standing strong in who I am and then trusting it's okay, and letting the responses (and perhaps reactions) of other people be something that is only for them to deal with, not me.

Now, there is, of course, a whole modern pop-culture attitude of, "I am who I am and if you don't like it, that's too darn bad and your problem." I'm not talking about that either. I am talking about living into, with confidence, the essence of who God created me to be - with grace, with peace and with quiet, kind strength. Just saying, without any unkindness, I am this. And letting that just sit there.

I am probably not alone in knowing that sometimes I slightly modify or curtail my personality because of the situation or setting in which I find myself. Different people bring out different sides of me, and dependent upon the roles in a larger group, I sometimes find myself feeling more one way or another. But sometimes, I also decide just to not say or do or be the thing or way I might be without a filter...simply because I'm considering how someone else might respond or reaction. For reasons I cannot quite explain, the judgment of others seems a terrifying prospect at times.

But my thought is this: God made me who I am. And perhaps the best way to appreciate and love Him is to appreciate and love His creation - exactly the way it is...or, rather, exactly the way I am.

There is freedom in embracing my true self. And I'm certain this is because, at the core, what I'm doing is embracing God's design for me.

So, my focus on "who" today, is on who I am. And in allowing God's true plans for me to unfold by letting His design be brightly shone... without fear. Or, at the very least, in spite of it.

What...

Here's today's topic: What matters?

I was just venting tonight about some frustrations I'm feeling in a certain area of my life. I feel worn down and tired with the situation, and I feel helpless to effect real change in it overall. I feel angry at others involved who (in my view) are not helping to ameliorate the situation and lastly I feel unheard. Those who could make some significant impact on the course of events aren't behaving in the way that I think would be best.

Now, please have some grace with me and let's leave behind all the arrogance and self-focus in the paragraph above.

As I talked this out tonight, I was listening to myself and had to come to one conclusion. To make a difference, to be the light of the world, to live a breathing testimony, I need to be in a different head space. I need to focus on what really matters.

This situation is frustrating. Yes. Okay. And?

The situation is not within my immediate control. Okay. And?

This situation may last for awhile. Ah, shucks...bummer. But okay. And? What else?

Well, the what else is that be those facts as they may, they still are what they are for now. And while I think it's okay and healthy to vent to my confidants about such things, if I stay focused there, I miss my opportunities for impact...and am likely to also exponentially increase the likelihood that I will cause some harm or damage to my testimony, rather than glorify God in my being.

So, now what? Well, the what is that I focus on what matters. I focus on what is. And I focus on what is demonstrated to those in my path. I am not the only one frustrated in this matter; this I know for sure. I am not the only one with legitimate concerns; it's actually quite the contrary. So, rather than focus on my own agenda, my own frustration & my own feelings of injustice and aggravation, what if I chose on focusing on the what that matters: what I can do and what story my actions tell.

I could focus on the frustration of those I am interacting with. I could focus on how I could help them, even in small ways. I could focus on grace. I could focus on remembering that we live before a great cloud of witnesses - and that's not only in the heavenly realm. And I can focus on bringing glory to His name.

I've said it many times, and again in recent writings here, but I will say it again: I want others to look to me and see God. I want them to realize there's something different. I want them to sense in a place past their reason that His Spirit makes my day different than it could be otherwise. I want them to feel His love, to feel His care and His grace. And those things can come through me, if I let Him work... and that means focusing on what matters. Focusing on what He calls me to - every day. I'm not called to love only on days when I feel up to it. I'm called to be a living sacrifice and follow in His footsteps. Without these daily sacrifices, it's hard to even begin to be living as Jesus did. So, I will surrender my right to be focused on ME for today. And instead, I will focus on His plan, His will, His "what."

Where

An easy question that I think I have had a lot of confusion about in the past is where to start. And I mean in the pursuit of a life following Christ. Where do I begin?

I lose my way all the time, and there are (thankfully!) a hundred different places to start. Most simply, I start where I am. But then where do I go?

After reading my writing about why I get up in the morning, a friend asked, "How do I do it if I don't feel like I have the strength to love? How do I get to where you are?" Her question prompted the answer that has become today's post about where:

"I say this with love: you're starting with the wrong premise. You don't start by trying to love others. You start by working on receiving His love. And, believe me, if you're anything like me, it can a lot more work than loving others. Your primary task is to be in relationship with Him. That should be your primary goal: to know Him more, to learn Him better.

Pray. Read the Bible. Seek solid teaching. Search for Him. You will find Him.

He does all the rest.

Seriously.

You don’t need strength. The Bible teaches us that His strength is made perfect in our weakness He'll take you just the way you are.

And do amazing things with your life.

You just have to let Him have it.

And then receive what He gives in return.

It's harder than it sounds. It's not all pretty flowery loveliness. It's work sometimes. I know I am nearly certain sometimes that I don't deserve His love or that I have to earn it somehow.

That's a lie. I don't.

You don't.

Sometimes, I'm convinced, He allows our hearts to break so that we have a crack we can allow Him into.

Not saying that His purpose is about allowing you to hurt...but I am saying it's a worthwhile use for the breakage."

And that’s where you start. With the broken places, and letting Him have them – wholesale. And the rest is His work flowing outward. He does it. I just get to be along for the ride.

The "Why"

After having written a few posts about “how,” I’ve been led down an interesting path: question words. Today we talk about the “why.”

I had a friend ask me, “Why do you wake up in the morning? Why do people get up in the morning?”

In the midst of answering here, I managed to get to a clear answer for myself. I realized that, not unlike the how questions, the why questions are incredibly important. I need to know why so I can share it; it’s a part of my witness and testimony. Here is what I shared:

“I know it sounds cheesy, but I really do like my life. And even on the days when I don't feel like I like my life, I trust God. Truly. I BELIEVE with every ounce in me that He has good plans for me, and that He is fulfilling them in me day by day and through me. My purpose is to point to Him in whatever ways I can and let others see Him and go, "Wow, that's good. He is good."

And that is not only incredibly gratifying, but it's incredibly worthwhile.

Sometimes that looks like me loving the heck outta my boyfriend - by just doting on him, or sometimes by calling him out on things... both can be loving actions. Sometimes it means showing up for a friend. Sometimes it means kicking butt at my job and letting people know that I believe God is the one who's given me my abilities.

My purpose is to love.

Love you. Love my honey. Love my parents, my family... love those little nieces, and love my employees and co-workers and staff. And strangers in the grocery store and waiters and everyone.

I can't do it all at once, but I can do it because He loves me and when I focus my attention on letting HIS love be the source for everything, there is abundance and overflow and I can't help but love people a little better and a little more than I could on my own.

And that brings glory and pleasure to God, and that's enough.

But for my human side, it also brings pleasure to me.

Pleasure in knowing I can help a niece when someone else might not know what to say, or that I can share encouragement with a frustrated co-worker. Or that I can support my man in his pursuit of a dream.

It's not about me. But it feels good to me.

And the more I do it, and the more I decide to do it - even when I don't feel like it - the more growing closer to God pays off. And it's out of that wealth of joy that He alone brings that I can get up every day and say, "Yes, this day is good."

Even on days when I might have to say it through tears. As preachy as I hope I don't sound, it is true. When I really made that decision to surrender my heart to Christ, 100%, with no holds barred... everything changed. I changed. Life changed. My heart changed. And it all changes more and more every day. He changes me. He renews minds and restores hearts. He puts together broken things and binds up hurting wounds. That's what Jesus came for. That was the entire WHY. To fix our brokenness.

And when I let Him, and the more I let Him, the more I truly do feel like I could practically jump out of bed every day. Not that I do. And sometimes I don't want to get out of bed at all. But a lot less than I used to. Almost never. I have to start by saying thank You. And acknowledging Him for who He is.

He is the Restorer, Redeemer, Healer and FRIEND.

And He makes life worth living. It's a pretty nifty trick.

So, I guess I'll finish with, "I get out of bed because He loved me enough to put me on earth so that I could." Everything else flows out of that.”

My How To

I wrote Friday about the importance of being able to understand and articulate our own methods of living by faith, what it means and the practical aspects of living it out day-by-day.

I started my rambling post discussing the current case-in-point for me: learning to surrender the idol of my own road map and yielding full guidance to God.

So, how do I?

Well, for me, every time I feel frustration rising with my own foiled plans, or even when I just start thinking about them and making plans in my own mind, I make sure to ask for help! More than anything else, I ask for help! Sometimes that help means I seek out a friend and ask for good wise and Godly counsel; often it means I ask a friend to listen. Always it means I turn to the Lord and ask for His help. I know I can't cast down an idol of my own power any more effectively than I can do anything else.

I also say I'm sorry. I tell the Lord that I see my own sin and I affirm my sincere desire to live according to HIS ways. And I ask (again) for His help and leading.

Sometimes I just talk my way through His approach. I have a small mental stack of verses that I plow through - often aloud. I find it really helps. I affirm my belief that He knows the plans He has for me, and that they are plans to prosper me (Jer 29:11). I affirm my belief that He works all things together for my good (Rom 8:28). And I thank Him for the truth that, while there are many plans in the hearts of man, it is the Lord's purpose that prevails (Prov 19:21).

And then I praise and thank Him...lavishly if I can. I thank Him for who He is, and for what He does for me. And again and again, I THANK Him for being bigger than I am, for knowing more than I do. I thank Him for showing me my errors and for being willing to Love me again and again. I thank Him for being right and for teaching me. I thank Him for frustrating me; it's how I learn. I thank Him for knowing what I need, and I thank Him for making sure I am not cheated. I thank Him for loving me enough to help me learn things the hard way - in those situations where no other method seems to be working. And finally, I thank Him for being who He is: trustworthy, in charge and always looking out for my best interests.

My heart changes when I pray. My heart changes when I pray scripture. And the whole world changes when I let Him change my heart. And that is my how-to.